Drum Roll Please...

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, tis the season.

I am, as you read, negotiating the package for my book to be released this June - just in time for my 34th birthday, craftily titled:

SEX DEGREES OF SEPARATION

It is a compilation of many of my old blog posts, both seen and unseen with story written all around it, weaving it all together into one steamy erotic novel.

As much as I would love for everyone I know to read it - I must admit that it is a wee bit NC17-ish - but hopefully after many more edits I can tone it down to a respectable rated R.

Thank you guys for all your support. This is truly a dream come true - and I will be keeping you posted through out the process.

Ouch

Working out on my new YOUR SHAPE for WII I did something horrific to my right rotator cuff. ( think it may be my bodies way to protest my new healthy living, but no one wants to hear that.)

(That's a fatty's excuse.)

I feel like I am juggling a lot of things - and I am. But to be honest, this is different then in other periods in my life. This time I am not so stressed. I am excitedly pursuing many little projects - some with monetary rewards and some with rewards for my soul.

This shoulder deal is so unusual to me. I have always had a body that would listen to my every command, but I think these last couple of years of lethargy is starting to take its toll. I have to reign my body in again from being the wayward wild child it once was.

Going to pay the Dr. A visit to talk to him about the program we both agreed I do, not being so agreeable to my shoulder blades. It sucks not to be able to move your arm in too many positions - it's been 4 days now, we can't wait anymore.

Why Women's Feet Are Getting BIgger!

Dear Pendejas of the World,

If you find yourself reaching for the next size up from your usual hammer toe causing paw cover let me give you a brief run down as to why.

IF you followed the trend and wore the flat no type of arch guiding shoes that have been the rave for the last few years you have successfully widened your foot.

Yes, baby girl! No more dainty stilettos for you! You have officially joined the HOOF CLUB! Having all your body weight come down all day in those ballerina shoes gave your foot the encouragement it needed to make the soles of your feet round out to a near perfect circle.

Next time use your common sense and don't be a slave to fashion.

A Sad Thing Has Happened

Dear Burger King,





I don't like the grey meat you serve for burgers, I hate the taste of your fake BBQ style food. For years, if there were a choice of YOU or NOTHING, my fatass has chose to eat NOT A DAYUM THING.






However, in recent years you have lured me through your glass finger-print smudged doors with the introduction of the MOCHA JOE - the yahoo-and-coffee concoction some brilliant associate of yours stumbled upon a ways back.





Then, one day, clear out of the sky, the genius of the BURGER KING CHEESY TOT was born. I could not tell you how much I loved your establishment from that moment on. I gladly seek you out every where and have burned much gas in my pursuit to find you. I have become a very willing suitor for you and your seductive wiles.






Week after week I have turned into a TYRONE BIGGUMS type Connossiuer of your processed cheese goodness. Imagine the look on my addicted face when I found out this morning that they were discontinued.



Yes, there are no words.



When the runny-nosed Burger King Manager looking sleep-deprived with weave in disarray mouthed the words to me in her morning breath, "BURGER KING HAS DISCONTINUED TATER TOTS."





I was stunned. What Brilliant health nut in corporate laid down that law? You my friend are a F*cking Idiot! I cancelled my order and decided, there was nothing else I could possibly eat. I'd rather take my money elsewhere.


Thanks for messing up a good thing. Hope you go out of business.

Another One Bites The Dust,
Irene Ocasio

Today's Mantra

"He Who Angers You Wins." - Elizabeth Kenny

This is my personal signature line on my phone's email. Before someone pisses me off to the point where I will show it, I think of this and try to calm myself.

I once worked for a millionaire (who shall remain nameless), who instead of taking it to heart and not getting upset themselves, called me to ask me how could he "WIN"...

I feel like that question spoke volumes about his character and was a major player in my decision to leave working for him.

Just In Case...

Someone wakes up this morning thinking this actually happened.

Shawn Johnson & Apollo's Nestle Crunch video is FAKE!