Ghost of Loneliness

I don't always remember that I am married.

Not in that way that means I am looking to creep.

In the way where in a crowded room I am ashamed to admit it. Ashamed to leave the lone single ranger a drift in a sea of matrimony and commitment.

I am ashamed because I remember. Remembering vividly the rumpled sheets left behind by the guys whose face can't be placed. The guys who called only under the cover of darkness so that any friends and neighbors wont see.

It was so much a part of my life for so long it is hard to forget. I understand those girls. The ones who have it so hard. The ones who think that if they give it up just one more time, everything will be different.

It wont. It never is. Unfortunately, you have to go on the diet to change it. Not a food diet.Although in the warped mind of a single girl being fat always has something to do with things. But the other kind.
The Milk and Cookies diet. Give up no cookies and accept no milk, until you know it is certain. It is safe.

Until you know it is real.

A lonely heart is not what you will be.


Keep looking, I promise you, someone will care and he will be well worth the wait.