Irene's Menagerie

Leaking Privacy

2012-01-19T07:25:00.002-05:00

Dear Friends,

I do not want to know when you are in the bathroom. If you are waiting online at Wendy's. Or if you are still driving and texting but just almost had an accident.

It is funny how so many people will argue to not have their internet activity recorded or cataloged but they give in to the intrusion of Facebook. Log into an app, pinpoint your exact location, Facebook is now giving you the option to track your every move in life and giddily most people download the new feature and give in.

I have nothing to hide. There is nothing I am fearful of people finding but there is a reason why I have doors on rooms in my home and curtains on my windows. There is something called privacy.
You request it when you go to the bathroom.

Or when someone who does not know you asks a very personal question.

Privacy is something that does not mean you are doing something shady. It means that there are things in your life you do not feel is the world's business.

The people who give in so easily without so much of an afterthought are the kinds of people who begin arguments with, "you don't know me".

Should you find yourself engaged with one of these people you can safely say, "No hunny! I DO KNOW YOU, I know where you were last night, what time you went to sleep, where you ate last week and the last time you were late!

Why is the world full of idiots? Aren't we full yet?

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions...

2011-11-10T02:20:00.000-05:00

Have you ever looked back on your life and wondered to youself: What have I done?

Have you? If even just for a minute?

Have you ever realized that a series of decisions are what have brought you to the place in life you are today, and no matter how good they were at the time, the long time goal was never recognized and cultivated. The astronaut you always hoped you'd be crashed and burned because in reality the Space Program wasn't looking for a Starbuck's barista.

Where you been, can't get you where you want to go.

I have had a life in construction, fast and easy money with the generally rude and crude who will pay $25/hr to sit there and take them yelling and smoking in my face without complaining. Then I thought the NYPD was where my heart was, but it really wasn't. I could kick myself in the ass sometimes for not humbling myself to conform to one of two of the industries but at the same time, I know me better than anyone. It would have lasted just that much longer before eventually my inner pysche argued with me about my self-worth.

I need my own. My own company, my own start. My own something in this world to get me independent by 40, because at 35 and unemployed it is really getting hard to breathe. I have reached a conundrum of following a life that will at least get me employed, or one that will build my path. YES! I am still young enough to build!

Life is not over. It is just beginning.

Dear Kimmy K: Why Do I Hate Thee? Let Me Count The Ways...

2011-11-03T01:30:00.001-05:00

There is something to be said about people who are highly impulsive and have total disregard for consequence. before the ink had time to dry on the pre-nup Kimmy K decides that marriage is just not for her.

Now - we are all allowed the opportunity as Americans to make our own choices, but see in the case of Kim Kardashian who makes money on allowing people to view her train wreck of a life as it happens she is willing to be paid for criticism. She wants you to love her or hate her, because either way she is in the spotlight and can find a way to be paid for it.

She pretended to be "normal" and "moralistic' in the hopes of finding someone decent to attach her name to. Like a vampire sucking the wholesome goodness out of them in an effort to revamp her own trampy image. See if she married a nice guy, and played the victim, then maybe, just maybe the world would see her as a nice girl and not the materialistic, dead fish in bed amateur porno star who poses naked for photo shoots and wants to cry because the pictures are published. She has gone around in every high end amenity possible and insisted that she is really just looking for love and just a good person.

When you make a mockery of something like marriage, you deserve the consequences you get. See when you are in love with someone, the world stops. You take their last name, because if you are truly in love the "impulsive" factor comes in, and you don't think about your brand. Or DO think about your brand and use it for what it is, a stage name. Why would Kris want to be with a "brand" when he desperately tried to marry the girl?

Your donations to charity? Really? Unless it is KIMMY"S WANTS AND NEEDS .ORG I highly doubt you have given to charity. YOU PUBLICIZE EVERYTHING YOU DO - so what about donating to charity makes you suddenly want to be quiet and sacred?

Of all the pictures you have taken the one of you full of shit, should be the one plastered on newspapers worldwide. You will be a lonely miserable little girl Ms. Kardashian until the day you grow up and decide to be a woman.

Take This Lollipop

2011-10-30T09:45:00.001-05:00

In this day and age it takes a lot to genuinely offer shock value.

But this! This here my friends... yea.. This is it..

takethislollipop.com

What Steve Jobs Taught The World

2011-10-06T06:42:00.000-05:00

Back when I was a squirming infant in my grandmother's arms Steve Jobs decided to piss on college and do what he wanted to do. This college drop out knew he had an intelligence no piece of paper could quantify. His business was founded in his parents garage and as opposed for being embarrassed about that fact and discounting his reality of being jobless with a project he was trying to build at home he continued to push and strive. He introduced the MacIntosh to a world where computers were being made in very intricate laboratories and held his head up high as he introduced his labor of love that he wrapped himself, and transported his way. There were no employees, no distribution department, nothing other than his own blood sweat and tears. When his company took off and he was ousted as the head of the company, he did not commit suicide because someone robbed him, he started something else. The NEXT company and PIXAR were blessed to have the unoccupied mind of jobs to take them over and I don't think I need to detail the many successes of PIXAR.

Steve Jobs showed us that your last name did not have to be recognizable or considerably ethnic in order to make it in this world.

He showed us that if you worked hard on your ideas and did not allow someone to trample your dreams you can succeed.

You do not have to conform to the masses, your brilliance can be what the masses conform to.

College is useful, but trust your gut.

I am sure there are quite a bit more, and I hope to replenish this list often. But this is what I learned from Steve Jobs.

Rabid Dogs

2011-09-30T08:48:00.000-05:00

My life has been full the last year and a half. I fell off the face of the earth because I have been caring for my cousin's daughter. I don't have time to edit my manuscript. I don't have time to pursue the life I wanted, because my cousin was not being "watched" and some asshole took advantage of her mental capacity and had sex with her, resulting in the most beautiful little girl in the world. I had hoped that when I acquired her it was temporary. I had hoped that I would babysit and give her back to the family she was born into, but unfortunately God had other plans for her.

Her family is crazy. Then again crazy is actually an understatement. Her family, which was once my family believes that it is okay to live on the system indefinitely and have as many children as you want. IT is okay because there will always be something that exist called charity. Her family believes that although they walk around with children that have lice, or knowing sleep in a bed with bed bugs and place children on it as well it is the wicked devil that intervenes and removes these children. In their eyes it is okay for them to curse, smoke, drink and judge others because coming to church once or twice a week and bowing their heads brings them closer to God than you are. They earn the right because while you slept Sunday morning and got up in time to catch the end of Joel Osteen, they were dressed and walked into "God's house".

I fought for this baby, in court and won. No longer allowing the delirium of my "love" for my family sway my opinion for the obvious. My relatives suck. They are a bunch of leeches who will use you for anything you can give them and the minute they don't get their way will turn on you like a rabid dog.

What do you do with rabid dogs? What I should have done with my relatives a long time ago. Accept that their is an illness that has ravaged their body so much that they will never be like you once knew them to be. No amount of love, or care will ever bring back the sanity required to be normal and as such they have to be let go. The baby is in good hands, my hands thank God. Her mother has every right to see her, and that will never be impeded, but the poison also known as her family they don't get the right. They are all rabid dogs who cannot be helped.

I Don't Wanna Grow Up...

2011-09-14T16:13:00.000-05:00

So many things have gone wrong in my life that to sit here and list them would be the beginnings of the longest pity party on Earth. I will spare the customary - (insert problem here) Bitch and moan, bitch and moan, and skip to the end where my lesson is learned or I am still confused and begin at the next day.

Why is youth wasted on the young? IF I could go back to the years in my mother's house when I was riddled with teenage angst and instead of wasting my precious youth away I would have been so much more productive. So many novels could have been written and prepped for the day when the pell grants I pissed away could have funded the pursuit to get them published. So many ideas I thought I could never do I would put to good use and try and work at.

Erma Bombeck wrote about all the things she would do if she had her life to live over. Faced with the inevitable promise of death by a disease we still are not able to cure, she laundry listed the things she realized seemed so futile when faced with the end. I am 35. Hopefully my end is not for quite a bit of time now. But when I look back at how wasteful I have been it makes me sick.

I aim to do better. I try really, really hard. With variables you cannot control it is hard to etch your life in stone. Dreams have a way of dissipating into foggy cloud cover under the constraints of reality. As a parent you give up a lot, and when you take on more responsibility than the carefree life you want can handle - you have to learn to reach further back into the underwear draw for the big girl panties you really don't want to wear.

I wish I could protect my son. I wish I could shine a flashlight on the facet of my every flaw and steer him on his road. I have given him all I can, and already I see the slacker I once was. Apparently, I was too literal in the translation of my own life, or it's in the blood.

If I have any favors left to ask for, I ask for patience. Can you just please help me gain the patience to wait for all that is coming to me. It seems so thin right now, I can't stand it.

...Cause I actually did, and I can never be a Toys-R-Us kid....

Hurricane Irene

2011-08-26T14:04:00.000-05:00

I have one of those odd names. The one that never came up when the hostess looked through magic mirror no matter how close to the screen I smashed my face. But now, now 30 years later here I am all over the news. Everyone from Obama to Letterman has been saying my name, and not in the context I wish they would.

What a world, what a world.

Shame of Rape - WTF DSK????

2011-07-01T13:01:00.000-05:00

Sometimes you wonder how people who are raped can keep silent for so long. How, with all the 1800 numbers out there, the countless number of agencies looking to help and all the places deemed as "safe" someone could still NOT TELL. Then you see the headlines when a victim does come forward and people who have money think they can do whatever they want to the people who don't. When you have money, you have friends in very high places, and like movies that detail espionage that you sware will never happen in real life, you have that sinking feeling in the back of your mind, that maybe just maybe the Illuminati and all those other boogie men from the movies exist. A phone call to a friend of a friend is responsible for this revelation on the victim and the release of DSK. We know this because not even before the trial starts trivial matters of no consequence have come to light, and unlike any black man every arrested, swift justice has been offered to DSK in the form of his release.
Ahh, but they do! Name an immigrant who is seeking asylum from a country such as New Guinea, so desperate to leave she made up stories of things that ACTUALLY HAPPEN THERE just applied it to her, to give herself and her child a chance who would pursue a means that would threaten her ability to stay in her new found home? She had no idea who he was, do you think she is a drama queen seeking some attention? The kind that causes her to flee her home with her child and go into hiding with her child under the media storm?Why does her immigration status have any bearing on her being near raped in America? Only Americans have rights? I am so confused by the priorities of the government I live in. Oh yea and in this economy - she did what 90% of what the tax paying world does and claim a dependent they don't really have. Since the rich don't have to pay taxes, we poor people who do sometimes do things that try to keep just the slightest extra coin in our pocket.
Like everyone in the world - people lie. Sometimes for no reason and sometimes if you follow the pattern you can tell that sometimes people have lied because in the end it was for a greater good. Her lying for asylum not only helped herself, it helped her child. Who would not do something for their child? Her lying about cleaning the crime scene - I ask you, have you ever been raped? Have you ever not known what to do, and done the mechanical things you were supposed to do, and then later realized that you could push back the images but so much because they just burst through the rickety door of your psyche and are demanding your attention? This poor, poor woman is being victimized so many times! What about her child? What about the breathe of fresh air she took on American soil and the beginnings of a better life she has had? Do you think the alleged victim would make up these stories knowing full well this could get her a one way ticket back home? Cah mon? Really? It is a shame. Such a shame that people like DSK are proven over and over that "might is right". Money is power and you can do whatever you want as long as you keep the coin. One day, the truth shall set the world free, and DSK you my friend will burn in hell.

Greetings Dear Birthday, I've Been Expecting You

2011-06-23T08:06:00.000-05:00

35

Old enough to be present, young enough to be only 1 box beneath the 18 year olds in the age demographic questions.

1/2 way to 70, does that mean I am middle age?

Looking back on my life, I realize that there are a lot of places I expected to be by this point. Some places I have visited. Some I have decided against dabbling in entirely. Some I am still waiting to manifest, and still some I thoroughly regret.

Regrets, yes, I have a few.

But after losing my Iphone this week and getting over my initial upset I began to think a little more clearly. My life is starting again. But this time I have a cheat sheet. I am older, wiser yet still young enough to enjoy youth.

I don't have to spend another moment of my life wondering if a guy I like will call.
The man I love sleeps next to me every night.

I don't have to wonder what my kids will look like.
I can see my son's face everyday.

My future is still a little uncertain, but it has narrowed. The things I have wanted and things I have tolerated have come into focus. I have lost a lot of people, and a lot of things to get here. Some I miss, and some I realize, I should not have in my life.

The little girl who was so unsure, uneasy, and insecure, she only comes around every once in a while. Usually when a buffet of hormones create a wafting scent she can't pass up.

Life is going to get better my friends. I have seen the lowest of lows, and have steadily climbed out of my rut. No bitching and moaning, I am a woman of action.

Here's to life beginning again. Here is to life heading in a promising direction and taking all of my loved ones with me. Success is closer than I can even imagine.

The Treachery of Pakistan And The Things Obama Can Do Better

2011-06-15T07:24:00.000-05:00

I voted for Obama. I remembered how the good years of my life fell under an administration lead by Bill Clinton, and decided that after George W. Bush fucked everything up, I needed to let a Democrat come in and try to fix it. While I have seen some changes under Obama, and I am trying to stay patient for the rest that is to come, there are some things that If eel are blatantly obvious that he is either ignoring, or blissfully unaware of.

1. FUCK PACKISTAN. It has been reported that Pakistan has arrested all the informants who helped the U.S. catch Bin Laden. Hmmm... So this country that we give money to, and who is supposed to be our ally, has now arrested the people who helped us get to out "shared" goal? CUT THEIR FUCKING FUNDING. From the minute matching silver bracelets were placed on the wrists of the informants funding should have immediately stopped. Pakistan's obvious upset is all the evidence needed to prove that their is some griminess going on, and our hard earned money that could be helping OUR less fortunate should have no part in it.

2. Drug tests for welfare recipients. If I find one more non-working person show up to an interview better dressed than me that was referred by their "case worker" I am going to scream. We are paying for the "dime" bags of the masses in the slums of cities worldwide. If they can manage to collect a check, they can manage to submit to random drug testing. In order to get a job I need to be clean, why aren't the same guidelines in effect for people looking for free money?

3. Welfare/Unemployment recipients should volunteer. I was on unemployment 99 weeks, and while I made use of my time I could imagine ways it could have been better spent. On unemployment recipients are obligated to appear for job fairs and workshops, why not take part of that day to give community service? It would help the country. Help the recipient make connections. If every person was obligated one day with threat of losing benefits if they reneg we could get a lot accomplished.

4. Put Inmates to Work. What happened to the chain gangs? Why can't inmates paint cars or planes or do free repairs for cars or mechanical items? Insurance companies could use the free labor, and keep insurance rates low. By just providing materials, and maybe a very minimal stipend to the government as well as the inmate we can have cars fixed and returned to insurance carriers. The idle hands that spawn the devil's playground of pants hanging off the ass and rampant gangs could leave the facility with a workable trade.

5. Wall Street Regulations. BETTER BE IN EFFECT! After all the money issued to these mofos the thought that they have recovered and are not giving the country its money back with interest makes me sick to my stomach. As well as the stiff regulation that has still not gone into effect to prevent the meltdown from happening again has not been fleshed out. WHAT is GOING ON!?!?!?

Obama - we need to chit chat homey. I'll help you landslide the next election.

And The Beat Goes On

2011-06-10T08:41:00.000-05:00

Misery loves company - which is a saying that is well known. But there comes a time in life when you stop the bullshit. There is never enough time, money, love, fun, joy - ARRGH!

STOP! JUST STOP! There are people in this world who would have given their left arm to make it into today, and did not have the option.

Of course phrases like that sometimes go over someone's head. IF you have never been in a life and death situation or it has been some time since you had to endure the left of a loved one, you may be a bit calloused to it.

But just for a second take a mental trip with me...

Imagine someone has taken a gun to your child's head and offered you a choice you could not accept.

Imagine the fear that would race through your heart and chill your soul.

Imagine what you would give to have yourself and your child out of that situation.

Can you feel it?

Can you feel the anxiety?

The stress?

The drama?

NOW BITCH ABOUT HOW BAD YOUR LIFE IS and HOW MUCH YOU HATE WHERE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW.

No matter how bad it is, it could always be worse. Life is too short to be depressed.

You can never get today back. Enjoy your present.

Ghost of Loneliness

2011-06-08T21:03:00.001-05:00

I don't always remember that I am married.

Not in that way that means I am looking to creep.

In the way where in a crowded room I am ashamed to admit it. Ashamed to leave the lone single ranger a drift in a sea of matrimony and commitment.

I am ashamed because I remember. Remembering vividly the rumpled sheets left behind by the guys whose face can't be placed. The guys who called only under the cover of darkness so that any friends and neighbors wont see.

It was so much a part of my life for so long it is hard to forget. I understand those girls. The ones who have it so hard. The ones who think that if they give it up just one more time, everything will be different.

It wont. It never is. Unfortunately, you have to go on the diet to change it. Not a food diet.Although in the warped mind of a single girl being fat always has something to do with things. But the other kind.
The Milk and Cookies diet. Give up no cookies and accept no milk, until you know it is certain. It is safe.

Until you know it is real.

A lonely heart is not what you will be.

Keep looking, I promise you, someone will care and he will be well worth the wait.

Yeah Blake Lively - Stop Lying!

2011-06-06T19:30:00.002-05:00

If you say it once, you say it a thousand times: DON'T TAKE NAKED PICTURES ON YOUR PHONE. THEY ARE ALWAYS GOING TO BE SEEN BY SOMEONE - SOMEWHERE WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT.

Should we go on about the roster of dumb asses who have had it happen to them?

Paris Hilton

Kimmy K

Vanessa Hudgens

Kristin Davis

Cassie

My eyes hurt already! Such sheer and utter nonsense. Dumb little girls with nothing better to do then find themselves duped into taking pics for some idiot guy to call up his friend and say, "Yo dude! Look at what I got this stupid bitch to do!?!?"

Playa's motto, huh Blake? Deny, deny deny?

At least if you are going to take stupid ass pics you want the world to see and leak them out get PAID FOR IT! You don't have more money than God yet - so you can definitely use it. Or better yet why don't you take a page from Brangelina. Sell the pics and donate the money to charity, this way someone somewhere will get a little more out of it then a waste basket full of cummy tissues.

John Edwards Indicted: Suffer The Little Children

2011-06-03T10:39:00.004-05:00

Former North Carolina Senator John Edwards was indicted today by a grand jury on violating campaign finance law during his campaign in 2008. He has forgo a plea deal that would have made him accept a felony charge and thus forfeit his law license.

After losing his marriage, his job, self-respect, his x-wife and the respect of his children he really thinks having his law license is the most important thing in his life that he should fight for.

What about Wade (RIP), Cate, Emma Claire, Jack and Francis? What about the bullying the must endure in school hearing kids whisper about their father, or the suffering of their now dead mother? How about knowing Wade and Elizabeth are turning over in their graves over the spectacle that their relative has made of their family name? What does little Francis explain to people when asked about her father when she is older?
After losing their mother to a brutal disease like cancer poor Emma Claire and Jack have to endure the possibility of losing their father to prison for the poor choices he has made in life that has punished them so many times over.

Of all the things John Edwards has lost over the affair he had with Rielle Hunter - I think his mind should have been the one thing he put up a little harder a fight to keep.

Muzzle Sarah Palin Please???

2011-05-18T11:54:00.000-05:00

Of all people I think should be tucking their tale between their legs when someone looks back at past quotes and wants to toss one up in the current sky Sarah Palin needs to shut the fuck up. Outraged over rapper Common's invitation to the White House poetry event she took to her twitter page first here.

The irony of how she feels she can say something about who is invited to the WHITE HOUSE, a place she does not live in and never will, when she cannot even control what goes on in her OWN HOUSE. Toting abstinence while daughter Bristol was doing the horizontal mambo AND getting knocked up for it? Okay - I understand that we need to get over that fact. There is a life in existence because of this and let's move forward not backward. Do you agree mama grizzly?

Of course you would. But you hypocritically do not see why throwing up lyrics rapper Common toted in 2007 about BUSH is reprehensible when:
- he had the lowest approval ratings in the history of Presidents.
- dragged us into war over a family vendetta
- set us up for the financial disaster we have endured catering to Haliburton and other big business

4 years is enough time to get over your daughter opening up her legs when you subjected countless teens to education that only promoted keeping them close. Lets say 4 years is enough time to get over lyrics you probably had no idea about until someone told you.

Or can you tell me what newspaper you READ IT IN?

Do America a favor instead of touring to yap your nonsense, stay home and teach your younger daughters to keep a nickle between their knees. Let Tripp be an only grandchild for a LONG LONG TIME.

The Sperminator

2011-05-17T15:53:00.001-05:00

The Sperminator once said:

"Well, there was no sex for 14 days." -on getting the cold shoulder from his wife after backing President George W. Bush at the Republican Convention

Yea Right.

"We have to make sure everyone in California has a great job. A fantastic job!" - Arnold Schwarzenneggar

Do blow jobs count?

Arnold Schwarzenneger and Maria Shriver part of the American Monarchy known as the Kennedy's have broken up after 25 years of marriage. It has been acknowledged that he fathered a child 10 years ago with a member of his house staff that retired after twenty years of service.

"After leaving the governor's office I told my wife about this event, which occurred over a decade ago," said Schwarzenegger in a statement, according to the New York Times. “I understand and deserve the feelings of anger and disappointment among my friends and family. There are no excuses and I take full responsibility for the hurt I have caused. I have apologized to Maria, my children and my family. I am truly sorry.”

Maria Shriver moved out of the families home, and offered this response to the recent revelation of infidelity,"This is a painful and heartbreaking time. As a mother, my concern is for the children. I ask for compassion, respect and privacy as my children and I try to rebuild our lives and heal. I will have no further comment.”

A short and simple "Fuck You" would have sufficed however because of children we always have to seem more diplomatic. Some have questions why she moved out of the home, and why he did not move out. After careful consideration would you want to stay in the same place that you were being played over and over for the past, oh, I dunno 20 or so years of your life? She needed to leave.
She needed a fresh start.
Let him wallow in pain wandering around his once happy home. Let that big house, be his shame, and him realize what he gave up when he decided to make "porking" the help part of their job description.

If you are unhappy in your marriage - leave.

You help no one by cheating and being sneaky and doing things that you need to do to feel complete as a person behind the back of the person you agreed to live with. We don't know what is behind this infidelity and in truthfulness our "nosey by nature" mentality is our ultimate societal demise. It's AH-nold and Maria's to sort out. At this point it seems Maria made her decision, she heard enough.

Let Me Offer My Condolences To The Bin Laden's

2011-05-10T18:06:00.000-05:00

Osama Bin Laden's 4th eldest son Omar Bin Laden has been reported to have written a letter declaring his father's burial at sea a humiliation to his family as well as proclaiming that the actions taken to secure his father were criminal in nature. He is holding the United States personally responsible for the death of his father.

While I never condone killing of any kind, I have found that there is an exception that I find in this case without hesitation.

Dear Bin Laden Family:

On the recent loss of your loved one I would like to offer a heartfelt

FUCK YOU.

When 3000 people died in lower Manhattan, and I stood terrified for my life while that piece of shit you mourn was hold up in a cave and all the women in your country were doing that weird lizard shit with their tongue in celebration of how many people were killed WHERE WAS YOUR CONCERN for what was CRIMINAL and what was HUMILIATING to a mourning family?

Your loved one got a death he did not deserve. His remains were treated with a respect he did not merit but as human beings we Americans actually BURIED the son of a bitch while there are families here in America whose relatives were turned to dust and they have nothing to bury. You wanted his remains turned over? Where are the remains of the people who worked at Cantor Fitzgerald? Where are the remains of the countless firefighters who had nothing to do with your loved ones gripe with America and lost their lives? Do their families have something to bury? O... I guess not, huh?

But because your loved one was living the life in seclusion for all this time, and managed to elude prosecution for HIS CRIMES for almost 10 full years, I guess in your eyes all is forgiven?

As much as this will upset you, FUCK YOU.

FUCK YOUR UPSET.

FUCK YOUR MOURNING.

Oh and I PISS on your dead relative. I hope they shoved a sausage in his mouth and covered him in bacon before he died.

I have THE UTMOST respect for the muslim religion. However his exploitation of the teachings of peace are in no way shape or form forgiveable. He was not muslim, he was psychotic. Muslim people do not do the things he did and carry the name of Allah in vain.

While I am usually very peace loving, When I have seen through the years how many people I have lost, and I have known that were personally affected by 911, I think my remorse and those of others outweigh that of the family of the biggest mass murderer in the world.

Oh and once again...

Fuck you!
Still Mourning American

Devilishly Delicious

2011-05-06T16:29:00.000-05:00

Yes, I know! Where is SEX DEGREES OF SEPARATION!?!?!?!?

This book I have been talking about for years now has not come to fruitation yet and I am here coming up with another gig.

I have not abandoned the book. The manuscript has been submitted and I am working on the cover! This is not like when celebs get book deals my friends. When you go POD you are responsible for EVERYTHING. Every grammatical error, every stray mark you need to catch. Before I release something that looks like I wrote it on construction paper in crayon, I had to pine over and over to make sure it was perfect.

Very soon my impatient lovelies, very soon! Just so you know - I have anguished over this greatly but I am going under a pseudonym. Yes! to protect the innocent I am going to be releasing my books under the moniker AMARYLIS MENDOZA.

I will be coming back with regular posts, now that I am coming to learn how to effectively balance life with my blog. I have several other projects coming up so stay tuned, and while I am turning on the light on this blog there is a lot more revamping to come.

If you would like a freebie for your work, church or group feel free to reach out to me via the FB page ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->
Bear with me as I populate it with my labors of love.

I never really mention it but I have become a serious baker. Raising the cholesterol of my family members has become a past time of mine given that I bake cookies, cakes, cupcakes and sweet treats every single week, sometimes a couple of times in the same week. Everyone has been enjoying my sweet treats, and while still unemployed with a husband who supports me, I have decided to indulge in what I love. I love to bake. I love making people happy with sweetness and will be doing promotional baking for the next few months.

Embrace change. I am changing for the better and I hope to drag you all along with me. Wish me luck folks!

There but for the Grace of...

2011-03-29T06:31:00.001-05:00

I am vehicularly challenged. Kitt is still out of commission. It breaks my heart. I visit him everyday, but he needs a Dr. that I cannot afford until next paycheck. I walked. I am not the gluttonness "can't walk a block" Nyer. I am the "walk a mission" walker. I walk Miles. Usually 5 at a time. My robocop calves can attest to that. I had to pick up the boy today as I have been doing everyday since Kitt has been sick - on foot. Walking along side the perimeter of the park I stepped on every acorn in my path. Letting all the yellow nutty goodness out. Doing the best I can for any elderly squirrels who may be ready to lose his teeth.

Gosh, I am a good samaritan.

THIS POST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY online accounting

I like to watch people. The ones who think no one's watching and go for that dry booger in their nose. The ones who's pants bunch between their thighs and they do that funny walk/switch to loosen it. The shameless ones who just pull it out. Of course, the farters. They let it out thinking no one is in ear shot, but then they don't realize how loud a moose horn it is. Then they play "who done it"?

My favorite are the couples. The ones who walked with interlocked fingers. Arms crossed around waists. The mixed race couples that even though your a NYer and have seen it before, give you that 30 second delay. The couples you wonder WTF??? How did superstar Barbie wind up with Bob Marley???

I like to make them a tapestry in my mind, stitch by stitch. I wonder how they met. What was their first date like? If they "did it" yet, and if so how was it? Sometimes I wish they could pass me an answer sheet to see how close I am to their mark. They always look so happy. Like someone screamed "ACTION" on the "Happy Play", and they knew I was coming. They make me a little envious. Literally walking the path least traveled and smashing acorns. I think about their happiness and wish they would let me hold it. Like a cute baby. Just for a minute.

If the eyes are the window to the soul. I purposely have Big FAT DARK drapes on mine. The kind that let out a big breeze of dust particles in the streak of sunlight when you move them. I don't want anyone to see passed the sun's glare of their own reflection in my brown eyes. I don't want people seeing my naked, (sometimes dark), soul. No one can see that sometimes I can be evil.

Sometimes I envy.

I see what they have and I want it. I want it so much I secretly wish it was me. I assume their happy in everything. Because for a moment in time I have them thanking the academy when no one has nominated them yet. They fooled a real critic - they fooled me.

But not everybody is happy. We are all actors that way. We know that when we step out in the world we have to put on our game face. When we step out the door - ACTION!

Just because you see a couple with their game face on - doesn't make them happy. You don't know what goes on behind closed doors. You don't live with them. You have no idea what is going on behind closed doors. The vicious fights, the lies, the cheating, the beatings. Not every relationship is like that. YES! There is such a thing as happily ever after. There are real happy couples out there.

But maybe, all the single men and women who find themselves lonely and longing are single for a reason. Their stop on the bus hasn't come yet. They are being forced to hold out for the good one even though sometimes they would rather not.

We don't know the real deal on the people we wish we had. Whether we like it or not -we are all being forced to be careful what we wish for.

The Single Girls' Nightmare

2011-03-18T07:34:00.000-05:00

I don't think a marriage can thrive if you take your most intimate problems and make them internet fodder. I am married. But to be honest it has taken me a long time to wrap my mind around that I am no longer single. Not in a adulterous kind of way. More in a social leper manner. Up until recently, even with my husband by my side, I felt the wafting of inferiority blow when I saw an obviously committed couple come my way. I had that shy, Doby cringe imagining they would shoo my single self away like a stray dog.

My singledom traumatized me. For many dateless years I fell into the public relations machine that was the 'happy couple". They were who I strived to be, and while I am in a very happy, committed and loving relationship the programming of being single was something that has taken about 2 yrs to get over.

This post is brought to you by the letters W, T and the letter F. My breakthrough has made me want to reach out to you my single friend and let you know that the ASPCA will not be picking you up shortly. You are not a harlot, whore or a bitch because you dress cute and you are by yourself when the diseased organism known as "the couple" walks by. Don't be afraid to hold your head up high when you are at the event as the only single person at a couple's table.

You are worth so much more than what you see. Let the women be jealous and the men lust after you. They are all jealous of you, and you have no reason to be jealous of them.

The World Is Your Oster

2011-03-17T08:53:00.000-05:00

Walking down the boulevard of "What am I doing and how the hell did I wind up hear" I stopped at a display window of my life and realized something.

This is so not me.

There are a million things in this scatterbrain of mine that need to be cultivated, raised to term and released into this world. I have stories that will make your head spin, undies wet, eyes cry, and blood boil.

Guess whose back ladies, gentlemen, queens, boi's and everything in between??

Yea...I'm back! Get your coffee ready, catch you here tomorrow at bright and early.

An Open Letter To Kim Kardashian

2011-01-24T12:23:00.001-05:00

DON'T make a sex tape then become self righteous and tell people what to do with their sex life.

DON'T talk about how your "little sister's" look to magazine covers for role models and develop misconceptions when YOU are mainly on the covers. There are other people with little sisters who could lump you up in the same category of people who should not be idolized.

DON'T be famous for absolutely nothing but what you look in makeup and expensive clothes and photographed in perfection and then complain about other people's imperfections.

DO be outraged on subjects of teen pregnancy, but remember that as Amber said the problem is already here, and it is good to "see what they are going through" to maybe dissuade others from going the same way.

DO be a role model as best you can and as noted in one of your episodes stop LYING about nonsense. You can be a role model based on integrity. Your lies to your little sisters are a worse betrayal than anything put on MTV. MTV can be turned off. You are their sister who is supposed to love them and they should trust. But you are a fucking liar who would break their hearts and complain because a channel you can turn off talks about things they already know about.
Finally...

DO remember your last name is Kardashian and not Christ. Don't be self-righteous because you are in the public eye. It is not very becoming.

Subway Riding Rat

2011-01-14T07:23:00.003-05:00

Just when you think you have seen it all!

Is Sandra Pulling An Angelina?

2011-01-11T08:15:00.000-05:00

Apparently the uber private couple Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johanssen were broken up on amicable terms, however as always the woman is the one who "caught feelings" and is the one to suffer.

In typical beautiful man fashion, Ryan Reynolds was not single for long. He has taken up with "visiting" his good friend, recent divorcee Sandra Bullock, and even spent the New Year's holiday with her.

Rumor has it: that Scarlett called Ryan just to "check up" and see how things were. Getting him to admit where he was with vague questions. He mentioned Sandra and some "friends", trying to remain wounded and cordial. Scarlett was the one who ended the call wounded. Wishing he would just admit whether he was dating Sandra or not.

Scarlett is apparently devastated.

Sweetheart I am too. Ryan is so yummy, how could you have let that go? He is still your man and if you wan't him - CLAIM HIM! If not, just keep on moving hun. You are a beautiful girl, and you can have anyone you want.

Although between you and me, Ryan is always going to be the one that got away..

Really Bristol? REALLY?!?!?!

2011-01-09T05:52:00.001-05:00

Bristol Palin is trying, yet again, to play herself. The famous promiscuous teen who so famously declared that "abstinence does not work" is not doing a PSA with Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino. In it she plays it off like because she had Tripp she is NEVER going to have sex again until she is married.

Dear Bristol,

You are SO FULL OF SHIT. You know what? If you really want to help teen girls why don't you be honest with them and yourself. It was not "the lack of abstinence" that got you pregnant it was your IGNORANCE of not using some form of birth control to not get pregnant. You can have sex and protect yourself and that is not a BAD THING nor make you a BAD person. I REFUSE to believe that now after having sex and having your baby you are going to be abstinent. It won't happen. I think that the more honest you remain with teen girls who have been in your situation, will be in your situation and want to avoid your situation the more credible you will remain. Do us all a favor and BE REAL, discuss birth control for girls who were like you once upon a time and "loved their man so much" they will give it up to him. Don't tout more ignorance, and ways that EVEN YOU SAID don't work. Now that you got a taste of sex and satisfied your curiosity you think touting abstinence will stave off the curiosity of other girls? BE REAL BRISTOL. BE FUCKING REAL!!!

P.S. Sitch, really? Magnum? Remember what they say, guys who brag aint got.

Hugh Heffner is Engaged?!?!?

2011-01-07T07:03:00.000-05:00

Hugh Heffner announced his engagement to 24 year old Crystal Harris over the holidays.

I know somebody who has got to be SO PISSED right now.

A SHORE THING - Is a SHORE LOSER

2011-01-06T08:26:00.000-05:00

The following is an excerpt from the literary genius known as Nicole Snooki Polizzi:
(insert gag reflex)

Coming to a Clearance Section Near You!

"Ben was apparently trying to talk the girl into joining him [in the hot tub]. She kept shaking her head. What a cock tease. Why go home with a guy if she wasn't going to bang him?

Ben waded over to get closer to her. Then he grabbed her wrist and pulled her toward him. She resisted, tried to jerk her arm free. But Ben held on tight, talking the whole time. he got hold of her other wrist.

Oh, yes! As Ed watched, Ben pulled the girl right into the hot tub, in her clothes! She went under the water and sputtered to the surface. Ben didn't give her a chance to breath. He was all over her, hands everywhere. Once he got a girl in the hot tub, it was over. Done. Ben would pound her for sure, whether she liked it or not.

Whoa, a lot of splashing! This girl was putting up a fight. Most whores would just give in at this point and accept the situation they were in. If she ate the dinner, took the gifts, came home with you, she was obliged to put out. If she changed her mind and didn't want to? Too bad. Things might get a little rough. She deserved what happened. Whores didn't respect themselves. So why should Ed and Bender respect them?

Ed tried to zoom the function on the camera, adjusting the focus to sharpen the picture. He moved in for a close-up and could see the girl's face a lot better. When things got heated, most girls looked scared. But this one was pissed! Ed smiled. He liked the fighters.

Ben tore her dress. Her tits popped out.

"Holy cow! Look at those udders!" said Ed to himself, momentarily stunned by the splendor.

Yea... How could you have lived your life this long without being blessed with her amazing story telling ability? The book is centered around a fictional character named GIA who is the fantastical alter ego of Snooki, and her thinly veiled counterpart a JWOWW-esque cousin named ISABELLA. Hmm, life imitating crap you say? This really is not art, so let's call a spade a spade. Also, please remember as you maneuver through the touching depth of this glorification of date rape that SHE HAD HELP putting this all together. This was a collaborative effort here!

"I never knew I would write a book!" Snooki was quoted as saying.

We can only hope this is an isolated incident.

What I Would Tell Celebrities If I Were There Mother...

2011-01-05T07:44:00.011-05:00

1. Heidi Montag : I FUCKING TOLD YOU!
2.Miley Cyrus : Don't thank God for your achievements, then do the sins you do. You are a kid, but people will remember those righteous moments when judging you.
3.Jay Leno: You should really be ashamed. I mean, really?
4. Kim Kardashian: Shot in the dark here but : Why don't you stop going for celebrities??? Just saying...
5. Nick Cannon: sing it with me, "I'm in love with a (Wo)MAN nearly twice my age..."
6. Jennifer Aniston: Just kick Angelina's ass already at the next award show and get over it. It is a long time coming, and think of the satisfaction you will get as you sit in a jail cell for a measly 24 hours and smugly recall the images of how badly you kicked her fucking ass!

Sammi Sweetheart

2011-01-04T08:27:00.001-05:00

Dear Sammi,

What Snooki and J-Woww tried to be a friend and tell you, you needed to see for yourself. You have been looking like a fool for months hunny and you wanted to learn the hard way.
You look like a FOOL EVERY SINGLE DAY in MIAMI and THEREAFTER when you chose to harp on the "way you were told you were being played" as opposed to acknowledging the painful fact that YOU WERE PLAYED.

After the reunion, when you made RONNIE look like a fool, he was going to get you back. You knew this, and your biggest fear was that he would NOT CARE and go all out for getting his in Miami, was it not? Yea, we already know. You have a conceited attitude for nothing because you aren't all that. You act like your shit doesn't stink because you have Ronnie, and it smells worse than anyone. All I have to say to your pathetiscism - is HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

You get what you get, and you don't get upset!

Happy New Year World

2011-01-03T10:32:00.000-05:00

Let the New Year's Resolutions begin!
Here I am posting my New Year's resolutions so all the eyes that happen upon this site can hold me accountable for my actions. Yes! You my friends will quickly become my judge, jury and executioner and when I stray I will await the firm hand of justice to swat my backside and straighten me out. I have a motto for this year - this year is DO THE DAYUM THING year.

1. Write. Write the hell out of everything! Up to and including getting a release date for my book this year.

2. Diet. I need to lose an exorbitant sum of pounds, and well, as this year I turn 35 it is crunch time my friends. I cannot be fat, frumpy and in my mid-thirties. Sorry love, this year - we have to DO THE DAYUM THING!

There are a bunch of others, but they are of a more personal level, and you don't really have to know about them. This seems enough to keep you all on top of me 24/7 for.
Happy New Year everyone. Hope you all celebrated like me, amongst people you love.

Taking Out The Garbage

2010-12-26T11:03:00.000-05:00

The baby made a priceless expression for Xmas. Not knowing what the hell is going on, like most babies, she was excited over the mess Xmas created. After all the gifts were unwrapped and stories of how they came to be were told we dressed the baby up like a little doll in her black velvet dress. Like Santa himself we come bearing gifts for all the people we love or who we are related to that we will see, in an effort not to have anyone left out.

Now I am not a "gimme" person. I don't gift people things to find out what it is they will get for me. I get from the heart, and I expect that anyone giving me a gift should do the same. But it is a little disheartening when someone I hand a $50 gift to who is dressed with more gold chains than Mr. T and more name brands in their one outfit than I have in my entire closet, hands me a 99 cent air freshener while telling me how the spent over $200 in the strip club the night before.

Really? This is what I am worth? This is what you are shamelessly giving me as you open my gifts and thank me like you are entitled to yours?

Then there are the stories. The WOE IS MY CHECK story where once begun you have to choose a side quick. Everyone has money problems, but if you walk through the door not ready to divulge yours you are one of THEM and you will be hunted relentlessly. See in the ghetto there are the BROKE and the BROKE NOTs. The BROKE begin their stories, sending out a PING into the livingroom in hopes of a bounce back. If you do not begin your tale of woe, for let's say, I don't know, out of the sake of privacy or actually having some pride for yourself you are the BROKE NOT and the bounce back all the BROKEs are looking for.

The latter now makes you Chief Loan Officer for the Ghetto Bank Of America. In the ghetto bank applications come in the form of a question:

I'm so broke... Do you have money? Can you give me some money?

Depending on who is asking such questions will determine the approval or denial of this application. If your brother's single best friend asks - instant denial.

If your mother asks, instant approval.

I don't like going to the ghetto, and the husband gets upset with me about it. He wants me to visit more often but the story never changes. We have to bring gifts and pay for the portion of the light bill that covers the time of our visit. If we eat dinner in someone's home, it isn't free. We have to pay like it is a restaurant and make sure we leave a tip, and the food is not even good. We sit there and here about how WE don't come around more often by human beings as physically equipped as we are who make NO EFFORT to visit us under any circumstances.

I guess what I am saying is, I think it is time to move far far away.

An Open Letter To My Relatives

2010-12-25T08:31:00.000-05:00

I have often wondered through the years how we got to this. A long time ago we stopped being family. At this point all we do is roll around in the ashes of what used to be. Egos have gotten in the way and filled the spaces where love should have been. Fatherless children have come up with a sense of entitlement to a world and a group of people with no leader. We can always say, "If grandpa/daddy was alive..." and let that be your scapegoat. But who are you really getting away from? There are a million reasons why we have become as we are, but not one excuse. Not one justification for the hatred and bitterness that have filled every blackened heart, and every wayward soul. You profess a love of your religion, claiming that "YOUR GOD" will right all the wrongs in this world. Yet you baptized Christians keep children from their loved ones, watch your children slip deeper into depression because it is not convenient for you to get them help. You club, smoke weed, drink in excess and post on your Facebook page how much "Jehovah god will undue this wicked system of things" or "How much you have prayed to Jehovah" for outcomes of things that do not concern you. You are not serving god, and when the final day has shown itself and "your god" reveals himself to be false, it will be too late. Only your god would allow your prayers and your extra curricular activities and accept them both to be the same. The REAL GOD would allow for some measure of punishment for your extra-curricular antics, and I am sure HE will not allow them to go unnoticed for too long.

Eager to have a martyr for your cause you ostracized people who will not be ignorant with you. People of sound mind and heart who don't let welfare or the projects dictate their makeup. People who move away, get married, and make lives for themselves that do not falter under the weight of your gossip, lies, or self imposed predicaments.

Fueled by gossip, and stories made up so that the most evil among you are the victor run circles around lives that don't really matter because they belong to wasteful souls. A people who had so much potential and opportunity and chose to create strife and civil war among those they are genetically closest to than to take their talents and try to conquer a world that could have used it.

So many stories, and untrue lies have destroyed things that could never be fixed. The stress fractures of your lives run deep, and no amount of therapy or "I'm sorry" can undo the things that should have never been done. You are all hereby stripped of your roles. No longer are you necessary cousins, or aunts because you never knew how to be them to begin with. You took titles and made them your own because you wanted to. You never grasped the role you had to play. You never read the manual correctly, although you try to tote it around and hold it up when things do not go your way.

Whether it be Arizona, Florida, Texas, or even California-wherever a heart genetically close to you may roam is no longer of your concern. You have been severed from the lives of people who make more sense than you do. People who live their lives not even thinking about you, but doing what they should be doing. Doing what is best for them and their actual FAMILY. Relatives are not FAMILY. As time surpasses the distance among us all, and you begin to wonder about people during holidays your god says you should not celebrate remember that.

From this day forward, you no longer exist.

Merry Xmas to ALL

2010-12-24T10:42:00.000-05:00

You could really absorb yourself in the fact that today is not much different from yesterday. If you have had no money chances are you won't have any more today. If you don't have a job, chances are you won't get one in the next two days. But do you know what?

I would like to declare today - ANTI-PITY-PARTY Day. Under no circumstances will you wallow in your own pity today. Be happy that today you were given the gift of life and any self righteous feeling of entitlement should be left at the door.

For the next two days, be thankful you are here when so many others are not.

Enjoy your gifts. Some where out there in the world there is someone who wishes they could have given your gift to someone else.

Merry Xmas!

Cipha Sounds

2010-12-22T09:18:00.000-05:00

Recently Hot 97 morning show DJ Cipha Sounds made a very tasteless joke. Apparently he said he "stays HIV-negative because he does not mess with Haitian Girls." The Haitian community did not take too kindly to his comment and began to rally at the radio station's location down on Hudson street. This prompted an immediate back handed apology from cipha sounds, real name Luis Reyes. He stated, "REALLY The reason why I am apologizing is because people who never listen to the station called and said Rosenberg said a tasteless joke...."

That is not an apology. That is basically saying, I am not sorry, I apologize because I did not get caught.

While Cipha needs some education over this whole incident, in this economy is taking the man's job really necessary? Now suspended indefinitely what should the man do for employment?

To be perfectly honest I really don't understand what the hoopla is over. Our society has broken down so much that this has become acceptable. If Reyes were Haitian and said the same thing would an apology have been enough? I know Haitians who talk to each other in worse ways than that. What he said is a reflection of our culture. Do you know how many Haitian people call other Haitian people Ni&&A, B*tch, Hoe, etc, etc. Is it because it was said over the radio that makes it so impossible to accept?

I am just trying to understand here. If built into the Hip-Hop culture is the aspect of "being disrespectful" towards one another is deemed acceptable salutation and greeting as well as acceptable forms of humor why is everyone up in arms?

Change your culture! Change the way people see each other! Rally over a cure for AIDS or a way to solve the problems going on in your country.

No. It seems it is easier to go on a witchhunt.

I just really don't understand.

The Year in Wind Down - The Intro

2010-12-21T07:43:00.001-05:00

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Bet you haven't taken a breath in a while huh? I am on Winter break from school, and although it is but my first class I am really excited to be off. The cobwebs in the brain need some sweeping before I begin "a new". There is lots to do. It's crunch time for the book. Time to get the editor's notes and see which I want to call her "a bitch" over and which I think are actually true.

Hope your Xmas shopping is done - Mine is! Well, that is a lie. I have some extra knick knacks for the boy and the man to pick up. The never-ending story for those 2. I wish I could give them the world, but my pocket cannot afford that. We make do with what we have, and call it a day. In the end Christmas should be about family, togetherness and love. Those three things we will already have.

Back, Back, Back Into Time...

2010-12-20T08:18:00.000-05:00

I started school again in an effort to evolve into a better person. Taking time out to work on my writing skills because I feel like I have become very lax in that department. My first class is a psychology class which basically seems like the brainchild of a producer of MTV's "If You Really Knew Me".

Kicking up shit from when I was little and figuring out when things went awry is not always fun. I have a paper due today. I have to take 7 pages to discuss my life in full detail.

So not looking forward to doing that.

But I guess to help the person you are you need to know who you were, huh? I guess it's time to get that paper started, the alternative is just not an option.

Let's Be Different This Xmas

2010-12-15T07:11:00.002-05:00

Dear Reader,

As much as I want to depress you by posting about those less fortunate than ourselves, I wont. I would much rather deem us the unfortunates so we don't have to feel guilty we exist and from here until Xmas we can just enjoy life.

I would like to dedicate this blog to love, humor and good vibrations.

After all, my beautiful reader, you deserve it.

Here's a smile snack until later

An Open Letter To My Relatives

2010-12-08T08:38:00.004-05:00

I have often wondered through the years how we got to this.

A long time ago we stopped being family.

At this point all we do is roll around in the ashes of what used to be. Egos have gotten in the way and filled the spaces where love should have been. Fatherless children have come up with a sense of entitlement to a world and a group of people with no leader. We can always say, "If grandpa/daddy was alive..." and let that be your scapegoat. But who are you really getting away from? There are a million reasons why we have become as we are, but not one excuse. Not one justification for the hatred and bitterness that have filled every blackened heart, and every wayward soul. You profess a love of your religion, claiming that "YOUR GOD" will right all the wrongs in this world. Yet you baptized Christians keep children from their loved ones, watch your children slip deeper into depression because it is not convenient for you to get them help. You club, smoke weed, drink in excess and post on your Facebook page how much "Jehovah god will undue this wicked system of things" or "How much you have prayed to Jehovah" for outcomes of things that do not concern you. You are not serving god, and when the final day has shown itself and "your god" reveals himself to be false, it will be too late. Only your god would allow your prayers and your extra curricular activities and accept them both to be the same. The REAL GOD would allow for some measure of punishment for your extra-curricular antics, and I am sure HE will not allow them to go unnoticed for too long.

Eager to have a martyr for your cause you ostracized people who will not be ignorant with you. People of sound mind and heart who don't let welfare or the projects dictate their makeup. People who move away, get married, and make lives for themselves that do not falter under the weight of your gossip, lies, or self imposed predicaments.

Fueled by gossip, and stories made up so that the most evil among you are the victor run circles around lives that don't really matter because they belong to wasteful souls. A people who had so much potential and opportunity and chose to create strife and civil war among those they are genetically closest to than to take their talents and try to conquer a world that could have used it.

So many stories, and untrue lies have destroyed things that could never be fixed. The stress fractures of your lives run deep, and no amount of therapy or "I'm sorry" can undo the things that should have never been done. You are all hereby stripped of your roles. No longer are you necessary cousins, or aunts because you never knew how to be them to begin with. You took titles and made them your own because you wanted to. You never grasped the role you had to play. You never read the manual correctly, although you try to tote it around and hold it up when things do not go your way.

Whether it be Arizona, Florida, Texas, or even California-wherever a heart genetically close to you may roam is no longer of your concern. You have been severed from the lives of people who make more sense than you do. People who live their lives not even thinking about you, but doing what they should be doing. Doing what is best for them and their actual FAMILY. Relatives are not FAMILY. As time surpasses the distance among us all, and you begin to wonder about people during holidays your god says you should not celebrate remember that.

I intend to do better than your matriarch and all of her disciples. I intend to raise my children to love each other. To do for each other. To not be brainwashed and use a religion at your convenience but to respect God. I will teach them to never put a man before children. To realize that if a man is willing to hit you, he is not willing to love you. If you lay down for money to pay your rent you will never have self-respect. If you sell drugs from the home where your children live you do not deserve to have them. If you are born with a disease, don't be ashamed to go to programs and get yourself help to be the best you can be. If you live slovenly you cannot expect much from a man who loves you but does not want to deal with it.

My children, and my family will be so much better than the poison you feed to yours. My children, and my FAMILY will know what love is, because very few of you do. A select few of you really believe in your religion and do as Jehovah says and lives their lives in such a way that is respectable. Out of a family of many their are only a handful that are anywhere near what FAMILY should be.

For the rest of you may the courtesy of strangers be upon you wherever you go in this life, because there is no love to offer.

From this day forward, you no longer exist.

Twas the Night Before Xmas...

2010-12-07T21:13:00.001-05:00

Twas the night before Xmas and all through My house,
not a creature was stirring,
(The exterminator took care of the mouse).
The boys spongebob stocking was hung on a hanger with care
With his hopes that if Santa was real, he'd really show here.

The boy nestled - in his captains bed,
With visions of gum skittles dancing in his head.
Me in my doo rag because I forgot to buy some tight caps
I need something to help me keep down the naps.

When out in the hallway there arose such a clatter,
I jumped up from the sofa to see what was the matter.
Straight for my box cutter I went like a flash,
in case someone out there was looking to get slashed.

The flourescent light on the ceiling shone
giving away scratches on the scuffy wax floors below.
When what to my only good eye should appear,
but a miniature sleigh and eight roach riendeer.

With a little grey driver, so mousy and quick,
I blinked in astonishment it was a Mousy St. Nick.
More rapid then eagles his language proclaimed,
as he whistled and squealed and called them by name:

"Now Daekwon! Now Donique!
Now Tashana and Choo-CHoo!
On Maria!, On Esperanza!
On Ron-ron and Joonjoon!
To the top of the staircase!
To the top of the wall!
The lights are on scatter, scatter you all!

As if someone screamed RAID! They mounted the sky!
No cops were after them but they ran like 5-0 said "HI!".
As if guns were pointed and someone said Shoot!
With a sleigh full of God Knows and St. Nicholas to boot!

And then, in a twinkling I heard at my door
The scratching and nawing of a mousy little paw,
As I stepped back in horror and drew my head down
In came Santa Mouse, as if he owned this town.

He was dressed all in fur from his head to his foot,
And his whiskers were all sticky with peanut butter like soot.
A bundle of toys his gaze was focused at, and he looked like a peddler
from the #6 track.

His eyes were all pearly! His heart was so merry!
One of those toys had the scent of cherry!
His rodent little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
nevermind that I was screaming oh NO NO NO!
God knows the power he held in his teeth
as he looked at my ornament xmas wreaths.
He was a little fat for a mouse of these parts,
I was slow but I finally got my start..

He was dirty and plump for a creature like him
IN the battle for this territory I would win.
With a throw of a shoe that would make grandma proud
I showed him my style of Chancleta-Fu while screaming real loud.

He squealed not a sound and turned to me slow,
Just like the Matrix up in the air he would go.
Thinking that "I", would back off at least,
and let him go back - to the boys candy feast.

With a narrow of my eyes I made him spring back and away,
Back to the hole I would seal come the light of day.
BUt as he ran out of my good eye's sight,
he said under the harsh hallway light:

"You put up a good fight -
Merry Xmas to you too b*tch, and to all a good night"

Why are we so hard on ourselves - (As I remember it...)

2010-12-07T12:10:00.000-05:00

Why are we so hard on ourselves? And so much easier on others? Did we make some big mistake in front of class? A teacher? Friends? Did we do something in front of someone? Did we make some grand mistake that we have not gotten over? What haunts our fine bodies and our fine hears and makes our heads spin with an image of ourselves that we can't accept no matter how hard we try to perfect it?

We blame ourselves, where blame does not exist, (terrible word that blame.)We feel guilty about what we should have done better, (terrible word that should.) We are harder on ourselves than we would be on anybody else, anybody! Complete strangers! Big dogs! People we don't even like! And the things we expect are so darn weird, things our mothers once said we should be able to do or our fathers wanted us to achieve or our Great Aunt Charlotte wanted us to try and they didn't know that their words would stick like glue to our hearts with a list of expectations wrapped around it.

Look! All these requests and all these demands and all these great expectations get old, real old, and only you know when to yell uncle-Uncle! Uncle! Uncle!

Because for one moment of your life you feel like feeling...perfect. You feel like dashing into those hills or those open roads or right into the air itself and that's just what you might do so Ha!

You feel like that rusty old image you carry is slipping away, right over the edge of a mirror and out of view.

You feel like moving and if you trip-you trip!

If you fall, you will get up!

And the air feels like it will carry you and push you and its like nothing you feared it would be.

And of course everything you expected it would...

(the Old Nike campaign that was so inspirational)

Be Careful What You Wish For

2010-12-05T10:49:00.001-05:00

I have been very fortunate that in my lifetime, for the most part, I have always gotten what I wanted. I married the first man I ever loved. I had the son I always thought would be my firstborn. 3b

How Do Rumors Get Started?

2010-11-29T06:13:00.001-05:00

I am sure this weekend Hillary Clinton woke up feeling like a 9 year old girl in a school yard quarrel. She had the misfortune of having to call leaders and governments all over the world to defend the leaked items on this crazy site.

There are no more secrets in the world my friend. We are going to hell in a handbasket.

Thanksgiving With The Family

2010-11-27T06:15:00.000-05:00

Growing up I always felt like Thanksgiving was awkward. First growing up Jehovah's Witness you did not celebrate the holiday. However, it would always be taken as sheer coincidence that my mom would make a HUGE dinner, Turkey included and as long as we didn't all sit down at the table at once like the "white people" did on TV we weren't celebrating Thanksgiving. Technically that meant I had no Thanksgiving tradition, and for years growing up among a divided family I tried to mimic what I thought was the proper way to HAVE a Thanksgiving dinner. I always made a big dinner and invite my family, and there would be a the same few that would make it, but the rest would never show. The premise of a meal with the entire family present was not a priority to them. It was not important. Now that my family has been irreparably broken due to my cousin lies, and a misunderstood rumor that became so heightened that instead of being grown men and women about things, everyone just chose the wrong side my genetic relatives will never be invited to Thanksgiving dinner at my house again.

This year I cooked Roast Pork, Rice w/ pigeon peas, mashed potatos w/ bacon and cheese, candied yams w/ marshmallow, pasteles, green beans, peas and carrots, corn, gravy, cranberry sauce, a 20lb Turkey, stuffing, corn bread, banana bread, coconut flan, and chocolate chip cookies and I invited my FAMILY. Not the genetic mess that are my enemies, but the people I have met along the travels of my life that make me feel good. Love me, think about me, and enjoy spending time with me the husband and the boy.

Aside from the Thanksgivings I spent on a beach trying to run from the holiday and being successful as avoiding the sadness that always took over me, THIS was the best Thanksgiving I have ever had. It was amazingly warm, and loving and my friends, and family-in-law reinforced what I have been saying for a long time.

You don't need to rely on the family you are born into. You can get even more love from the family you create.

National OPT OUT DAY

2010-11-24T06:56:00.001-05:00

The new enhanced body scanners now in place at airports have began a firestorm of controversy. Able to see things within an inch of your body it puts a nude image of you on a screen for a TSA image to review. I have a HUGE PROBLEM with the TSA and this practice and it is not for the same reasons for the internet campaign OPT-OUT DAY.

The TSA hires knuckleheads. How many times have you been online to hear some ghetto-sounding miserable I-have-a-job slacker screaming about how she wants the lines to be formed as if you have been standing there for HOURS and heard her since the beginning of her shift? Or how about when you ask a question and the tone you are answered in is obviously irritated? Well, that is NY for you. I have flown out of local airports for YEARS and this has ALWAYS been my experience. Are there TSA members not like this - I am quite sure, HOWEVER, EVERY EXPERIENCE I HAVE HAD has been with a knucklehead. While going through the checkpoint I have been privilege to conversations with TSA members that include, "Yea SOn, Fuck that shit."
Now that you see my background - here is my problem:

How much research has been done on the radiation of this machine? Like other radiation machines shouldn't a technician familiar with radiation be handling it? What is going happen years from now when they are recalled and the government cover up over how much exposure will now effect the lives of millions of Americans. Have you ever seen the movie Children of Men? Could this be a sterilization machine that makes us all extinct? Ok -I sound a little sensational - but do you KNOW that I am COMPLETELY wrong? Think about it? Are you completely secure in the fact that I am wrong?
I don't want those fucking TSA idiots seeing me naked, choosing if I should be seen naked, patting me down, watching me get pat down or doing any of that to any of my kids. Imagine - if we give them this right unrestricted to pick and choose in the name of safety? I guarantee some idiot will wind up taking camera phone pictures of the women he likes and it will be found out one day. You are going to here of lawsuits because some TSA agent is going to get caught singling out a particular TYPE to go through the extra scanning just for his personal shits and giggles. The worse part is what about the kids? Pedophiles will be LINING UP for TSA applications really soon. There is a 50/50 chance you will be able to see a child nearly naked - isn't there something wrong with that? What about the pat down? Imagine your pubescent 14 year old daughter who is a little mature looking for her age with a young tight body being sent through these machines and a "YO SON LOOK AT THIS SHIT" idiot on the other end eyeing her body up and down?

There is already a complaint of an attractive woman watching to TSA members eye her approvingly and sending her for the extra screening. The abuses have already begun! Give THE TSA a message and participate in NATIONAL OPT-OUT DAY FORCE THEM to rethink their practices. I am really considering DRIVING everywhere. I want to be safe, I do - but I dont know if I am okay being naked and or groped just to go to Disney World.

Skating With The Stars

2010-11-23T07:01:00.000-05:00

It seems these days all you need to do to grab people's attention is set up a show with some washed up stars or wannabe stars, a Ghetto girl with some dancing street cred, a gay vocal fun expert, and a baldheaded fuddy duddy with a stick up his ass and someone with an english accent. O - No I am not talking about DANCING WITH THE STARS, I am talking about its spin-off SKATING WITH THE STARS.

The premiere episode of SKWTS was last night and let's just say for all the sequins and shimmery ice it was lackluster. A direct rip-off of DWTS, thinly veiled behind one seat switch of the judges. As a lowly mortal with near to no rhythm I feel equipped to judge contestants who have to writhe their bodies on an even playing field like-the ground. Watching stars on skates hypnotizes the crowd with the "OO look Shiny" trance that eats the brain and gets you upset when you look at the clock and realize it is now twenty minutes later from the last time you noticed the time. It is an amazing feat just to be able to skate around not holding railings in my book and these washed up stars have no problem doing that apparently. The human caricature BETHENNY FRANKEL was surprisingly good. But then again so was everyone else. BRANDON MYCHAEL SMITH, SEAN YOUNG, VINCE NEIL and JOHNNY MOSELEY really made me smile. I was expecting a lot of ass hitting the ice. They did an amazingly good job and I really did not expect that. Not that I wanted to set them up to fail. But when SEAN YOUNG took the ice she looked so stuff I thought if she fell she would shatter.

I don't think this show is really going to make it - although I will give ABC a B for effort. The ice show in the beginning was really exciting and the professionals look really good. How good we are expecting these stars to be on a week to week basis - yea...dunno about that. Think of something that is not SUCH a rip-off of the original show I mean REALLY did you see the judges? ABC give me a little more credit - don't throw a washed up star in more sequins than your last show and try to hypnotize me...

Jeggings?

2010-11-22T10:06:00.000-05:00

Jeggings -(a hybrid of Leggings + Jeans) aka jeans made of spandex. Hmm... Correct me if I am wrong but these jeans are not NEW. Spanish women have been wearing these jeans for years! I can remember my mom, grandma and all my aunts having these type of pants on in all colors up and down the 80's! Whether they have guts, chicken legs, thunder thighs, there are no restrictions for who can and cannot wear these pants.

I find it so strange that on WHAT NOT TO WEAR - walking in with a pair of pants this tight would merit a scolding that could blister ears! But now, rename it JEGGING, and let someone trendy put it on and you have a new fashion statement - Seriously, the world is ridiculous. I feel like Marilyn from the Munsters all the DAYUM TIME!

Rachel Zoe Pregnant

2010-11-18T07:13:00.000-05:00

Before I begin - just so you know I am shaking my head. First off, it kills me when the media takes a back curtain person like Rachel Zoe and thrust her into the media like every lay person in the world should know exactly who she is. Her Bravo reality show The Rachel Zoe project is on it's third season, and for mere shits and giggles I have actually taken the time from my busy schedule to catch a few episodes.

Apparently, Ms. Zoe is a stylist to the stars who can become COMPLETELY DEVASTATED over a dress not showing up, or can completely fall apart if one of her assistants, (who seem to do everything but wipe her ass), is not available to do something for her. She seems emotionally unstable, and is so superficial and delicate I highly doubt she is going to even carry the baby to term, and I hope for the babies sake that she is able to. She doesn't own a pair of flats and needs to be carried onto a sandy beach, and is such a popular and sought after stylish that she needs to fret every single episode over her former assistant "Taylor" leaving and staying in the same line of work.

Rachel looks about 50 years old and tries to lie about being 37. (Please girl, please... YOU WISH you were ANY WHERE NEAR your thirties). What is up with her husband? Envy Justin Beiber much?

I truly hope ACS steps in and monitors this child in that house the moment it is born. If poor Brad needs to sleep over and do night feedings, I would want to call ACS to save HIM to. Some people just should not have kids, and with as vulnerable, needy and child-like as Ms. Zoe comes across I am making her the POSTER GIRL for the crusade.

My Editor is Not My Friend

2010-11-16T10:24:00.001-05:00

I got my manuscript back, and basically my editor had 25 pages worth of things to gripe about. I had a drink and took a vicutin before I opened the email containing everything she had to say about it, hoping a blissful mood would lessen the blow, but it didn't. I closed her email wishing I knew where she lived so I could put Vaseline all over her face, lace up a pair of Timberland boots and meet her at 3 'o' clock after school.

A few hours later, I am feeling like Sophia in The Color Purple, "I's feelin mighty low..."

I need to work on my manuscript. I need to fix the problems I feared were there that I could not hide from a professional. I have a creative roadblock. My cousin's sick 5 month old robs me of all my creativity. When a wave of genius passes it is usually when she is feeling uncomfortable or needs to be fed. I don't blame the baby for any of this. I blame my cousin. I blame her for having a child she cannot care for.

I have no idea why some people are allowed to have kids, while others dying to have them just can't. It's a sick, sad world out there kids, dress warm.

Pink Slips

2010-11-15T02:32:00.001-05:00

At 33, it was embarrassing to be fired by a 25 year old. I could still remember being 25. I can remember the cockiness of my "brand-new" shit smell. It didn't stink, it was brand new! How could it?

Before Bill Clinton got pre-occupied with Monica and forgot to get Osama. And George Bush decided to go off and spend like he did, and wage war like he had, I had a great job. A job with benefits, a great salary, and I didn't have a college degree. I graduated from High School #7 in my graduating class, a college scholarship, a job to pay my entrance fee into clubs! I had it all. But then the bottom fell out. My family needed me. Like Pavlov's best dog I fetched my ass back home, ate a bowl of shit and liked it. Which eventually led to my having my son, and moving out again. I didn't need college to become a cop.
Then I did. Then I got ENOUGH college to become a cop, and I did that too. But for all the eventual money and benefits, it wasn't for me. My psyche was all wrong. I was hating every minute of my dream job. The only part of being a cop that was good for me, was the look on the face of other people I told I was a cop. I could not go through a lifetime of unhappiness because of what other people thought of me hearing what I do. With no support system, I left that and tried to go back to the existence I had that I had lived with for so long - Office work. But the workforce had changed. No longer was I the PYT all the executives hoped to be theirs. No longer was I the smart/astute/charming/ assistant. Assistants as an occupation had change. Technology had changed, in a manner of a few short months, you had to become part IT guy in order to be considered by the same standard for which I had just left a few short months before. Now there were 23 year olds fresh out of college that had a piece of paper under their belt that I did not which made them that much better than me. They were my supervisors, and now the way I did my job was not the right way to do it. It is not the way THEY THOUGHT it should be done, no matter how well it had worked for me in the past.

Then the day came. The day when the old was let go. The humiliation of knowing you were let go from a job clings to you. It chokes you with fear every time unemployment forces you to apply to some where. You wonder how young are the people there and what will they say when they let you go? It's humiliating to be out of work so long, one glance at your resume and a person decides they don't want you. By right if you were really half as good as your fluffed up, revamped resume said you are wouldn't you HAVE A JOB already?

Then unemployment tells you to look other places. And again the fear puts you in a choke hold. Could you really be a cashier? After working for years in a private office, playing dress-up and making enough money to sponsor a small village in Somalia, could you really apply somewhere like Victoria's Secret or Macy's and service one of your friends who did not have half the high school top of the class credentials you did, but somehow managed to weather the recession storm by keeping a job in some anonymous business you will never have the satisfaction of running up in unexpectedly as they are doing you when you ask them if they want to apply for your company credit card?

Pride has a lot to do with everything. But there are but so many slices of humble pie someone can possibly eat. So you keep pushing your resume, and vying for unemployment extensions, and hope. You hope for something, somewhere to come through because, now you have gone back to trade school, and while you are not the best skilled worker you do have verification that you are skilled and you can maybe open a business with your new found licensed trade should all go awry. But you HOPE that things go back to normal one day, and you wake up from this financial nightmare in your old suit, at your old desk with your old boss. You hope that they are all still out there, because you would give anything just to be able to go to that time in your life again.

Dear Recent Carnival Splendor Guests:

2010-11-12T07:13:00.001-05:00

Shut the fuck up.

No. Really-shut the fuck up!

You were stranded for a few days on a luxury cruise ship. SAY IT WITH ME - LUXURY CRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUISE!
Some of you disembarked talking so much shit. Ok, yea - you paid for a vacation and guess what? Things went bad! - SH*T HAPPENS! Be pissed, get your money back OF COURSE but the level of exaggeration is beyond ridiculous at this point.

"I felt like I was on a prison ship"
Really? Really you did? Where you were able to walk around freely and wear your own stuff and three days later walk off freely and know you are home - was it really PRISON????

"They're fine but worn out emotionally..."
OVER WHAT!?!?!?! Do you know how long Katrina lasted? Do you know there are American citizens in a little place called - O I dunno... PUERTO RICO where power goes out on a regular basis and sometimes you don't have running water so you put on a bathing suit head to the backyard with a bar of soap and do you???

"You stand in line for two hours just to get your food because everybody goes to the same place to pick up their food. Then once you get your food, you look for something to do. People are playing cards. People are standing around, just kind of talking. They're getting to socialize."
Um... weren't you doing that E-KNEE-WAY before the power went out???

"The so-called Spam cruise may sound funny to some outsiders watching TV, but it's not funny to those who were on it."
NEWS FLASH! SPAM is sold in grocery stores all over the country. It is an edible food that a lot of poor people have as a staple in their diet. If you are so "bougie" that a piece of SPAM crossing your lips merits psychological damage boy, I am glad, VERY GLAD I was raised poor and the School of Hard Knocks prepared me enough to enjoy myself on MY VACATION if that were me.

Conspiracy Theories

2010-11-11T07:40:00.001-05:00

I don't have faith in government. After living through 9-11 and the Black Out in NYC as well as witnessing Katrina unfold - I have come to the realization that our government has a very arrogant attitude as to "what can" and "what cannot" happen on American soil. I am not the type to "fight the man" or build a bunker in the basement of my apartment complex because I fear impending doom. But should the world fall apart, I will not be pushed into a military truck like cattle to where THEY SAY I am safe, I will make my own way, Thank You Very much.
The government lies, sometimes. Then they come out years later and admit they made a mistake when it is too late for anything to be done about it. Look what the foundation of this government did to the Indians? Or how about Agent Orange? Military just doing their job was exposed and died of cancer related deaths.

I could go on, but I wont. Anyone talking against THE MAN can be called maniacal, and well I am far from that. I just don't want to believe everything I am told, when the track record is that of a lie.

How about this "missile/aircraft"? I live near 2 airports, and while I may not be employed by the Federal Aviation Authority I think I am pretty good at calling a plane a plane. THAT is not a plane. And no matter what the "expert" said - THAT is not coming towards the camera.

The Last Bowl of Cereal

2010-11-10T06:18:00.000-05:00

When I was a kid, my mom used to let us each pick out our own cereal when we did grocery shopping. I always went for something chocolate and my brother always went for something fruity. My little sister would go for a toy. No matter the flavor cereal if it had the toy she wanted she would convince anyone who asked that she really did love GRAPE-NUTS or BRAN Cereal, and of course after we got home and she dug out her booty she would tear into whatever my brother and I picked out.

I remember waking up in the morning to take a shower and get dressed, eagerly awaiting when I was able to go to the kitchen and pour my bowl of cereal. Climbing the kitchen counter I would grab my box of cereal to find it surprisingly light. Then, with an anxious rip of the box lids tearing through the rolled up plastic to find that someone had gotten to my cereal before I did, and tried to stealthily place it back where I had previously left it. As a handful of puffed sweetened corn glazed over in chocolate hit my bowl I would purse my lips and get mad screaming for my mom to rectify this great wrong I was about to endure.

She would yell for me to shut up and eat and just as she raised her voice enough to subdue my initial outrage came the dust. The blackened beige and dark brown looking stuff that would pour itself in my bowl and dust the few kernels that survived the cereal holocaust.

I'd pour milk over that dust and curse the day I picked the cereal. Trying to figure out if I had possibly picked it up from the store so empty and was there a store clerk that may have taken my prize too. I would run these scenarios in my head never bothering to look at the pigtailed little demon that sat across from me or the chubby butt that sat at my side. The chocolate milk in the bowl being evidence to their offenses.

My life feels like this moment right now. I feel like I KNOW I picked a full box of LIFE and all I am getting is dusty crumbs of an existence.

A Low Down Dirty Shame

2010-11-09T06:27:00.005-05:00

It is a shame that even at 5 years old a child KNOWS he should be fearful of society and their ridicule. HE'S A F*CKING LITTLE KID! ARE YOU SERIOUSLY CONDEMNINGHIM

For Colored Girls

2010-11-08T07:40:00.001-05:00

Sunday morning I woke up needing inspiration. The small baby only speaks the language of "scream" and since I am not fluent, I have to try all the basic necessities of life to try to persuade her into submission. The bottle did it, and after she was soothed I decided I needed some spiritual food for my soul.

As I have said many times before, I don't do church. I don't do the house that man built with Reverend "God- knows-what-is-really-going-on-in-your-house" telling me what to do. My spiritual food I find in literary works. I find it in art that comes from the imperfect soul of a human being just like me. I look for things that speak to me. Move me. Make me feel the prickle of goose-flesh as it raises every pore with a hair attached to it on the back of my neck. As pathetic as it may have seemed, I went to the movies alone. I did not want to wait for someone else to dress, or get a sitter or run their errands first. I was determined not to let a lack of company keep me from what I needed. Why do I have to wait for the perfect moment to do something? Isn't life too short to wait around?

Father Perry has done it again. For Colored Girls is an amazing piece of art that speaks to you in a way no stained glass church window has ever heard. The story shows the many unknown connections several women have with each other, centralizing around one apartment building on one nameless street in one unnamed city. (However there are NYPD plugs that let you know exactly where you are, lol, but run with me for a minute.) Phylicia Rashad SHINES as the good intentioned busy-body. I hated Thandie Newton's hair but when you think of her performance, give her the kudos she deserves and also remember she has an accent that she manages to hide so well you almost think she is faking it when you hear it in interviews. Watch for "THE LOOK" Whoopi Goldberg gives her after she kicks the guy out of her house. It's that look that brings you back to being 5 years old in your mother's house, when she is about to wax your ass for something lol, it sent chills down my spine! Loretta Divine was really good.

Janet - what do you say about Janet? At no point did I even remember she was a singer, so moving was her performance. Kimberely Elise I have only seen in Tyler Perry movies. I really do like her work, but I dunno, something about her screams OLD to me. Like he always portrays her as a younger woman, but say for instance if she had Phylicia Rashad's roll, I would believe they were the same age. I really would.

The "lull" of the movie were the poems. I understand that Perry framed the lives of these women around the poems but its like watching a climactic moment of your favorite Soap Opera and someone switching the language to Cantonese. The poems were VERY ARTSY FARTSY and Flowery speech-ish so it is hard to stay within the moment. I tried, I REALLY DID TRY and focus, but those poems need you to really reflect on them, and you dont have time with the lives of these women continuing on as soon as the last verse is cited. I mean unless your brain is swift enough to swallow that stuff whole without any chaser, the way Perry is forcing you too. Otherwise, you sit there like a child with ADD, quickly wanting to dismiss the part you didn't really understand and wanting to pay attention to the new exciting part that just started.

I really enjoyed the movie, I mean REALLY ENJOYED IT. It caulked the pockets of my soul that needed a little patch when I was feeling down earlier in the morning. I wish the poems could have been placed better or maybe - not added at all? The movie could have really stood alone without them.

Overall, It was good, if you can dismiss the Shakespearean moments. It is what you need to uplift you in a superficial moment of feeling like a lost soul.

What If God Was One Of Us...

2010-11-04T06:15:00.001-05:00

My first book is in the hands of my editor and publishing company. I sit back and eagerly await its perfumed return, in book format with glossy computer graphic cover. Crisp biege pages with black ink that display words that came from deep within my thoughts, or actual moments of my life.

I added a spoiler for my second book. It is a historical romance I am actually writing, however current events have given me writer's block. For years, I have kicked around the idea of writing a memoir. A book about my life and all those who have affected it. The things I have seen and experienced are things made out of the imagination of some drug-induced screenplay writers twisted psyche. It really cannot be something experienced by a person in the flesh, who has lived passed some of the most insane moments of life and lived to tell the tale.

There are no cars exploding, or alien races to fight against. In the beginning it is a very basic story of a child trying to survive. How an environment filled with ignorance, poverty, drugs, gossip, hate, and stupidity tore a family apart.

I have cousins who have abused other cousins, some in plain site and like a scene from a elementary school yard they ran to an elder and told a story to disavow any accusations. Abuse in forms two little girls who have already endured and should never have had to. Now they will never come to light. There is no punishment. No nothing.

There are people I am genetically related to in this world who will never pick up a page of a story but will make themselves the authority on it just because of who it is written against. Eager to pick a fight with someone over ignorance, lies, and stupidity. These same people rationalize their insanity under the pretense of religious persecution. They do drugs, they are alcoholics, but because they have an ID saying they are well passed the legal age they feel a sense of entitlement to be able to do so.

It saddens me that as the holidays approach there are younger generations of my family being bred to continue this craziness. It saddens me that I came from a place where it is better to disengage from everyone you consider kin then to try and work out the issues you have. There is no rationalizing. There are all evil zombies too far gone.

I am working on the story of my life. The people I am related to deserve to be unmasked for the monsters they are: every last Bi-polar one of them.

Wise Words

2010-10-29T05:20:00.000-05:00

My Name is Gossip – Author Unknown

I have no respect for justice
I main without killing
I break hearts and ruin lives
I humiliate with delight
I am cunning and malicious and gather strength with age
The more I am quoted… the more I am believed
My victims are helpess………..

They cannot protect themselves against me
Because I have no name or face
To track me down is impossible
The harder you try, the more elusive I become
I am nobody’s friend
Once I tarnish a reputation
A reputation is never the same
I pit people against each other
For the purpose of maintaining control over others
I shrewdly imply that I know more than I actually tell

I intentionally break the promise of keeping sacred

A shared confidential confession or personal weakness

I topple governments and wreck marriages

Proverbs 26:20 – Without wood the fire goes out, without gossip a quarrel dies down.

Technical Difficulties?

2010-10-26T05:48:00.000-05:00

I recently recieved a comment about not being able to see this blog on Opera.

I have never even heard of Opera.

Today I will be dedicating a portion of my day to finding out what it is, and trying to get this blog Opera friendly. Then I will post something refreshing :)

C ju soon!

INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS!!!

2010-10-21T12:22:00.001-05:00

David Gahan of DEPECHE MODE and Mike "The Situation" of Jersey Shore one in the SAME??? You know your ears and nose never stop growing. Could he have morphed - add some plastic surgery???HMMMMMMM??????

Haterade

2010-10-11T23:58:00.003-05:00

When I was a kid I always found history fascinating. Stories of things that happened long ago that always seemed to revolve around ways of thinking that in my young mind seemed so outdated, so outlandish - I was certain that the miffs of ancient could never take place again.

Then history begins to get closer, and no longer are we talking about people who wore curtains for clothes and walked around barefoot, but people who built things I can still see and visit, like the pyramids and castles, and things that are still standing because weather and time have not taken them away.

Things like the Salem witch trials, Slavery, the blood diamond trade scare me. No longer can I say we have evolved as human beings to not thing of dumb things like separating people because of their skin, or believe that someone can perform witchcraft. Truth be told - we haven't.

We as a people still have the misfortune of being dumb. Of needing something like education, and the instillation of morals to make us into productive members of society. Everyone wishes they could fight every ounce of hatred in the world. Scaling it back and dismembering it to the four winds until it dissipated into an oblivion where it could never fester again - but your sword arm gets tired.

Every day there is a new class of idiot born, who knowing less than the person who gave him the slight information he is going on will begin a fresh wave of evil to keep the hatred ring churning. Going around in whispers of the night to proclaim untrue things in an attempt to spread fear like wildfire and damage good people.

There is one person who can judge in this world, and just because you tote around a book that you feel brings you closer to him does not make YOU that person. Learn to focus on your own life and making it the best life you can have. And when you feel the moment come upon you where you have to look and point at how someone else is choosing to live their short life, look down at the 3 fingers pointing back at you and realize you are being outnumbered and take yourself to task instead.

Misery Loves Me

2010-10-07T05:13:00.001-05:00

It is unfortunate but people with small minds have big mouths. They pride themselves on having nothing better to do with the precious life God has given them, and all the short time they have on Earth but to involve themselves with things that have no connection to them whatsoever. Unfortunately, I know of such people. People who I unfortunately am

The Monsters In Your Family

2010-10-06T06:15:00.001-05:00

There is something be said about the family you come from. In certain countries where you are born dictates what you will be. Who you are born from determines your nationality, your physiological attributes, and sometimes even artificial things like your occupation or temperment.

My cousin who died in 2001 was born into a family with a mother who was a crackhead, a drug dealer, a child abuser. Luckily within my cousin's lifetime she cleaned up some, only to be punished by the death of both her children which caused her to be reclusive, depressed and in some ways schizophrenic. She spewed nonsense from little men invading her fridge at night to pee in her milk, to proclaiming certain members of her family as participating in psychotic voodoo.

As illogical and easy to point out as that sounds, many weak minds in her family believed it. Lost souls who need a leader because like the meek sheep that they are they know not what to do with themselves. They have no idea how or why she came up with the stories she did, but like Kindergartners at story time they sat their wide-eyed and lapped up all the nonsense that now swims around their tiny brains.

When the leader of the coven passed away, from cancer earlier this year, she left behind the smallest victims of this story. The children of my cousin who died ten years ago, who knew nothing more than what they were told by someone who was depressed and severely missed her children. They were taken in by one of her disciples. One that knew like the phrophet to lie to all the right people and proclaim herself sane when necessary, just to get her talons into children and try to keep raising them in the same vein the prophet would have wanted. Keeping them away from certain people, and teaching them to hold grudges from beyond the grave in accordance with the hatred they were taught. She abused these children too, and when she was called out on it, admitted it and said she wanted to remain neutral.

On a calm Sunday in September when I spoke to a the follower of this backwards cult who now lies and said I threatened her, we agreed to do what was best for the children. We walked out of conference to the happy members of the family who were amazed our conversation did not end badly, and elated that it did not. After filing a petition in court, in as carefully a worded fashion as possible, the follower once again lies. To garner support for herself and not make herself seem like she is renouncing the religion she lies to other disciples and claims she had no idea what I was doing.

The youngest victim who is an orphan was the closest to her. In our discussion we agreed to making provisions of easing her away from the follower, and not snatching her away to a new life cold turkey. Yet, after being confronted by the knowledge that the leader did not favor me, and others would soon ridicule her for her alliance.

Yesterday in a cold court room pew. Looking homeless, disheveled, unwanted and unloved. The 9 year old little girl with no mother asked, "Why doesn't anybody want me?"

This one sentence broke my heart so much. I didn't sleep a wink last night.

There are monsters in America people. They don't hide in closets or under beds. They walk around like you and I and pretend to be human. They pretend to be family and they hurt little people who do not know how to defend themselves.

Now What?

2010-09-30T09:41:00.000-05:00

I handed in my manuscript and my project manager is on vacation. That means it is at least a week until it gets looked at and come to stage 2. I am excited. Nervous. I keep thinking I could have added this or that. I am abstaining from doing anything to the manuscript I have because that is it. This is my best foot forward and the literary world is going to swallow it and like it.

I did some research in Barnes and Nobles. Perusing through all the eye catching " New York Times BESTSELLER" covers. I even bought one. I sware compared to my manuscript - these other writer wright SHIT. No this is not arrogance talking. This is not a wanna-be talking out of her ass because she has no better sense. This is a reader who took the NY TIMES BESTSELLER's word for it and was highly disappointed by the sex I read in the book.

I wanted to like the book. I really did. I was hoping I could use it as tips for the "how-to's" and "should of's" for my next book. It didn't give me what I was looking for. It gave me NOTHING. If that is what is out there that makes it to the top of the list...

(Que Jack Nicholson's joker)
WAIT'LL THEY GET A LOAD OF ME....

Today I Am Angry

2010-09-30T05:37:00.000-05:00

I am angry that my cousin had a baby she can't take care of and now it is my responsibility.

I am angry that my family is insane.

I am angry that my cousin took a responsibility to care for children knowing that she couldn't and does not think about what is best for them, only about herself.

I am angry one of my cousin's who has no idea what she is talking about spues hatred and always tries to play the victim.

I am angry I am not on the job already.

I am angry that the justice process takes so long.

I am angry that when I call my cousin to help me with HER baby she can't do the right thing. But I take care of a child that is not mine every day and no one thinks that I am not HER mother and I am not OBLIGATED, I do it because she has no one and I am kind.

I am angry that no matter how hard I try things always seem to come out wrong.

I am angry my manuscript still is not ready.

I am angry that I don't get a restful sleep.

I am angry my son has health problems.

Today - I am ANGRY.

Fashion a La GAGA

2010-09-13T08:47:00.000-05:00

Yes the last was made of meat! PETA must be wanting to flip the EFF out!!!

It Amazes Me

2010-09-07T06:53:00.000-05:00

It really and truly does. Sometimes I really get engrossed in the concept of sociology. Most specifically that of mob mentality. You look at the LA Riots and how people just went INSANE over something that was TOLD TO THEM on the news. The thought that words projected forth from the month can awaken such an animalistic reaction in people is scary. I think about the Salem witch hunts and how people rumored to do something that was never proven had mobs of people chaining people up and tossing them in water to see if they can illicit some supernatural power that can cause them to float.

This argument about the mosque in downtown Manhattan. The same people who rub elbows with their gay friends Saturday night, sit in the pews of their contradictory Catholic Church Sunday morning and listen to sermons about condemnation and the devil argue that the religious right of another should be impede upon. The worst of it - is that people listen.

Don't get me wrong. I do not want another 911 nor do I think if that mosque has anything to do with those people should it be put up anywhere on American soil...HOWEVER... not every Mosque has something to do with terrorism. If we are to press upon a civil right we need to do it for the right reasons not out of fear for what savages who presented themselves as people of faith have instilled in us.

There are people who suffer needlessly by the hand of the careless ignorance of others. The Sudanese women and children that are raped by militias who think they are gods because of blood diamonds thrive on ignorance and perpetuate it every moment they can.

At some point every human brain should reach a point of evolution that ignorance is no longer prevalent. We should be able to filter the bullshit from the reality. We should all be able to reach a conundrum and take the most logical of routes.

Or we can stay as dumb as a post and have moments of De Ja Vu for the entire time of human existence.

If Happy Little Bluebirds Fly...

2010-09-02T06:55:00.001-05:00

My cousin Zahira would have been thirty years old this Saturday.

Instead of blowing out candles, she will be resting in an unmarked grave along side my grandfather and her mother.

The pain of her death still haunts me, as does the pain that she knew in life.

When I was a child her mother and my mother were always at odds, so I was never allowed to talk to them much. I was taught to hate her and her mother for reasons that never made sense and I was never allowed to question.

I remember when she was around the ages of her orphaned daughters now - sleeping on the bench in front of her apartment building as I walked on my way to school. The cancerian in my, always the compassionate, could never steel herself against the image. It broke my heart even back then. Seeing her with the lines of the bench slats engraved in her face, as she woke up disheveled and funky. Not allowed upstairs because her mom got high and locked her out. No place to go, but my grandmother's house to beg for 50 cents so she could buy a bagel to eat. Most times no one opened the door, expecting that if they didn't somehow her mother Rachel would come to her senses and start taking care of her kids.

No adult in my family wanted to take responsibility for her, because that would impede on their freedom and give her mother even more free reign to do as she pleased.

I was young, too young in fact to ever really help. Any of my arguements for someone to help her were shot down or I was threatened with beatings if I would persist. Eventually I took a different route to school, and tried my best to avoid her.

Hoping my avoidance would somehow make God better her situation. It didn't of course, but it was wishful thinking.

As an adult - her two daughters are all that are left of her.

Through their veins runs the blood I loved.

Her oldest has the face and mannerisms that send me to my bathroom to cry like I little girl because I miss her so much. Her loss caused a pain in my heart that still has not gone away. It still exist in the 9 years since her death. The only thing I can do to honor her memory - is make sure their lives are nothing like hers. I have to make sure that they never endure the unspeakable things she did. I have to make sure that they are HAPPY.

Even if I have to declare war to ensure it.

Love Ya Girl - But YOU ARE A LIAR!

2010-08-31T06:42:00.000-05:00

Oh Khloe mama - let's not tell lies about the pregnancy. SINCE WHEN - after your whole QUICKTRIM campaign have you worn anything baggy? Hmmm...
On August 17th - you guys are out celebrating a win and you not drinking mama?? Your face even looks fuller, so does your boobs!

Me thinks the lady doth protest too much...

Hope you have a beautiful, healthy baby in a few months :)

Decisions Decisions

2010-08-30T07:55:00.001-05:00

I feel like George Bush about to start a fight with Iraq while already fighting Afghanistan.

(Explanation to come.)

Dear Dina Lohan

2010-08-28T02:38:00.000-05:00

Into every life a little rain must fall. In the case of Lindsay Lohan, there has been a monsoon-a-comin' for a very longtime. Raised by a pack of wolves this poor girl was thrust out into the world as bread-winner for the family in her early childhood. Since her parents, Frik and Frak Lohan were not able to get jobs and raise the ankle biters they created themselves, they put the burden of college for her brothers and sisters on the petite shoulders of Lindsay.
Now that a cocktail of drugs, alcoholism and psychotic disorders have taken a hold of the young starlet Dina does what every bad mother in the world has done before her - blame the system. Recently, in an interview with Matt Lauer - the space-case known as D-Lo skirted around every direct question by blaming the judge for playing "hardball" with Lindsay. Disregarding Lindsay being found with cocaine in her possession and testing positive for it in her system D-Lo harped on the fact that Lindsay got more than 45 minutes in jail, and would be forced to do 90 days in rehab. The sentences "were too harsh" as far as she was concerned and she was looking for a mob to crucify the judge for having the guts to do what she apparently refused to do - reign in her child.

D-Lo you are very lucky ACS does not get involved to take the remaining children in your possession. If you truly love your daughter, get her the help she needs and stop harping on the fact that the judge used blue ink to sign your daughter's court order instead of addressing the real problem:
YOU WERE NOT A GOOD PARENT TO YOUR CHILD AND YOUR DAUGHTER IS PAYING FOR IT.

I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant

2010-08-25T08:24:00.026-05:00

Lately this blog has become a twitter page. Not a place where you read actual blogposts. But today, today my friends I will be giving you what you pay for.

There are some times in life when you just sit down and shake your dayum head. For the last three months, I have done just that. Poverty, malnutrition, abuse, mental illness, cancer, homelessness,-this is not the news I am talking about, or the plot of your favorite soap - it's my family.

I have tried my best to remain apart from the riff-raff I know as kin. They are not the kind you can come by and visit or call every now and again to say, "Hi! How are you?" After they dump the weight of the world on your shoulders, they make you feel guilty you are alive. I pray for them from afar, mail Xmas cards to the addresses I know and keep my distance as best I can.
They call me "wall street". The bougie one. The one that said "no" to welfare and "yes" to working two jobs and going to college. Subsequently creating the mold all future generations wanted to be like. I am the one no one ever hears from, but they gossip about and make up stories about all the time. I have been diagnosed as low as HIV positive to as high as winning a million dollars by people who have not spoken a word to me or clapped eyes on me in years. Although I am determined to live my life in a matter that these people don't phase me. Sometimes - just sometimes they shine a ray of light through and affect my life.

Like at funerals, and births.

This year one of each happened. I declined to be present for the funeral when news trickled down to me but the birth I wound up getting wrapped into the "okey doke". I played hot potato with my cousin's baby and lost. I am now the proud raiser of a beautiful baby girl because (pick your poison above) and you will see that her own parents don't have enough tools in their own toolboxes to take care of her.

I am unemployed right now. Not really conducive to taking on more financial responsibility - ya know? But like always you make do. The husband has a better job now, and we just have to tighten our belts a little. What do you do when a little face looks at you and smiles? Do you hand her over to a failing system and say, "Good luck kid" ? Apparently I could not, which is why I now have two children living with me. It's back to figuring out formula recipes, remedies for hiccups and looking to pediatrician's for what side the child is allowed to sleep on.

Why can't my life just be normal and stay that way? Why do I always have some twist that makes it a WABC feature presentation?

HOPE

2010-08-24T20:17:00.000-05:00

I hope I can get a job really soon so I can become a contributing member to society.

I hope my unemployment lasts until that happens.

My Serenity Prayer

2010-08-16T17:10:00.003-05:00

God grant me the serenity to accept the idiots in this life I cannot change, and the wisdom to walk away from hurting them before the cops come.

I think I am going to make this a T-shirt!

I'm Busier Unemployed Then When I Had A Job

2010-08-12T14:02:00.001-05:00

Dear Lord

2010-08-11T14:44:00.000-05:00

I come before you with the hallucinations of a 101.8 fever.

A whistle of oxygen is released every so often from a pin hole in my left nostril...

(thank you for allowing me that.)

My throat is as dry as the Sahara, with the occasional snap, crackle, pop of phlegm at the back of my throat.

But please disregard my complaining.

Lord the reason I have taken a moment to write you is to ask for leniency. Please help me keep my human mask on and not turn into the alien from Predator.

Whatever insanity that has befallen my 12 year old to become a hormonal-moody-bull please yank it from the child as soon as possible and do not send me to do it.

Please stop letting him press my last good nerve like an elevator button.

In this I pray,
Christ Jesus
Amen

Master Cleanse Day 1

2010-08-08T12:25:00.000-05:00

Day one of the Master Cleanse, and my throat burns. Too much Cayenne. Do I want food? Of course. Fighting the urge to eat leftover pizza or pork pasteles.

Crackhead looking 50 cent is my inspiration. I am trying to find a happy medium. I just want to get to 10lbs lighter and organs cleaned out Irene...

Stay tuned, this should be fun.

Vindication

2010-08-08T00:51:00.002-05:00

I know it's not right, but I love seeing X-boyfriends with ugly new girlfriends....

I Could Not Have Said It Better Myself

2010-08-05T01:51:00.000-05:00

"in the words of Big Bird, today's episode was brought to you by the letters "W" "T" and "F"

Be Careful What You Wish For

2010-07-28T02:23:00.000-05:00

I can remember my twenties like they happened last week. I remember the frigid walk down the the block to my house that felt like it was 8 miles long at 2am when I am half naked and drunk out of my mind. Too broke for a cab, I would bum the closest ride I could get from someone, or take mass transit usually falling asleep once or twice before I make it to my stop.

Entering my home, I'd take my high heel shoes off and wince at the welt marks left on my feet. Coaxing my toes to retake their shape and letting my foot stretch out to its full woman size 11 length. I'd be careful removing the bra and whatever other restrictive garments I had harnessed my gelatinous body into so that it would take the unrealistic curvy shape of the women I so wanted to be for the men who so wanted me to be them.

Usually my hair weave would smell like cigarettes or typical club funk and in desperation I would wash it that night not worrying about drying the braids that each weft was sewn to because I was just desperate to be clean. I could not bare the smell of waking up on unwashed club funked hair weave. In the few seconds when the brain was resurfacing from la-la land it would be too confusing.

I would wake up startled thinking I had a one night stand with a really funky homeless person.

I remember the familiar aftermath of club nights past vividly because I remember how lonely they were. After showering I would put on the baggiest thing I could find which was usually an oversized shirt and plot how and what time I would be picking up my son in the morning. As my body began to forgive me for all the shackled hell I put it through my mind would fast forward through the night to weigh out how worth "going out" had been.

The minutes I walked freezing my ass and praying to the club gods for safe passage home I had already swore off doing that shit again. I promised on everything flourescent that I would never be caught dead outside my home at an ungodly hour again. Now the time of reckoning would be when I was removed from the icy patches of pavement that propelled me with fear to get my ass home.

Now I was here, turning on my computer to see who was up or rummaging through scraps of paper I had gotten phone numbers on. Now "lonely" would serve me a nice hot cup of cocoa and ask me how my day went.

In a sugary tone it would suggest I crawl into bed and snuggle next to my loved one and feign complete innocence at not knowing there was no one here but me. I remember hugging my pillow, hard. Wishing my son was home so I could hug him and wanting to call his sitter at 4am to see if he was okay.

I would masterbate my way to sleep, and after a fairly good orgasm would sober up enough to realize that THIS WAS MY LIFE. The club girl who came home alone to wish she had someone so she would not have to venture out anymore.

The girl who wished she had a husband and a family that had her shackled down to her home so strange men with funky breath would not whisper inaudible things in her ear as she writhed her body against them. As a tear would escape the corner of my eye, I would rationalize my sorrow down to bad alcohol and paranoia of being alone. Getting the wrong kind of buzz from alcohol can mess with the mind and inflate emotions that did not have to be had.

But they were there.

They felt so real.

Clutching my pillow harder I would imagine the cutest guy I had seen that night and what would have happened had we fallen in love. What kind of courtship would we have undertaken? What kind of wedding would we have had? How many children would run around our house? How many would be so cute people would compliment? The hallucinations of the life I wish I had, would trick me down the rabbit hole of slumber at some point I would not be able to track.

The next morning I would wake up, feeling better and making generic wishes to a higher power I never officially called by name. Just a generic husband is all I wanted. Generic children. A husband who didnt beat me or cheat on me and had like goals. Who he was or where he would come from mattered not, as long as he was my husband. As for children, a non-specific healthy baby is all I needed. Maybe more than one. A sibling for a son who deserved more than his club-kid mama could do on her own.

I never gave a time frame, or a limit. A specific person really. Life was fickle and even times when I had a gentleman in my sights, the cosmos would knock my scope out of focus and I would lose sight of what was in the cross-hairs.

The non-specifics were let out into the cosmic realm of wishes and like the karmic boomerang - they came back.

18 years after the first PING of desire was released in prayer I am married. I entered into a union with a man I had loved once in my life and never thought I could love again.

I have a newborn child. Not of my loins, but related by blood nonetheless.

It's 3:17am and I do not have a calloused gut from restrictive garments. I have been home all night, and all my real hair smells fine. I am not going to sit here and bash the single life because it is not a curse like most think-it is a privilege! It is a privilege to live by your own terms, and pick and choose all the things that will and will not affect only you. I remember hating those privileges and wishing for a more orderly existence. One that was more defined and confined.

I remember how hopeless and never ending my life seemed so many years ago. While I would not trade anything I now, truth be told there are rare moments, but moments still, when I sort of miss the old me. I wish I could give her a hug, and assure her from someone who knows that all will turn out okay.

I wish I could tell her about the future and the things that will come to pass.

I would also tell her, to be careful what you wish for.

Jessica Simpson

2010-07-22T02:44:00.000-05:00

Since the sexpot formerly known as Mrs. Lachey left her husband, (because she thought she was the best thing since chapstick), she has had a string of bad luck. Can't seem to keep a man, get a hit single or keep her weight from ballooning huh Jess baby?

Now you might think I am the pot calling the kettle black buuuuuuuut...I at least have 1 out of the 3.
Jess sweet ums, maybe you should try to control something in your life. Can't find a hit song? Can't keep a man? Then we have 3 words for you...
GET A STYLIST!

Apparently We Are Going To Hell In A Handbasket, Because You're Fat!

2010-07-17T05:14:00.001-05:00

As if my self-esteem was not already wading in the water next to the tidy bowl man, this hormonally charged 3rd day of my period. (Yes, I did in fact GO THERE.) Here is an article blaming my being "fat" for not only plaguing my psyche but it is also my fault why it is hot as HADES out there.

M. Night Shyamalan

2010-07-06T06:48:00.000-05:00

Some guys have all the luck.

Some guys have all the pain.

Some guys get all the breaks.

Some guys do nothing but complain.

M. Night Shyamalan is the writer, director and producer of The Last Airbender. A new movie just recently released based off of the popular cartoon serial Avatar - The Last Airbender.

Mr. Shyamalan sucks.

He had one great movie called the Sixth Sense that people have raved about and apparently had his head gassed up ever since. He has continued to steadily regurgitate movies and serve them to us every few years or so. After the Sixth Sense his steady decline has been an insult to consumers everywhere.

The Sixth Sense gave him the money to throw elaborate sets together and the clout to get professional graphic artists to help hype up the horse manure he packs on a reel of film and submits to movie houses worldwide. We as mesmerized consumers get the "oo look shiny" effect of the glitz and glam of his trailers and posters. Next thing you know, credits are rolling and we are wishing for 2 hours of our lives back. Our asses have the woven impression of the seats we paid $11.50 to sit in disbelief at the crap that just molested our eyes. He has taken something great like THE AVATAR and made it an elementary school play. A CORNY Kindergarten School play.

His pronunciation of the character names are uncomfortable. Who the hell is "UNG?" The character is "ANG", at least be respectful of their names! The dialogue is painful. The way even the more seasoned actors play out the dialogue makes me think he has something on them and is blackmailing them to do the movie in the first place.

Here is to hoping M. Night Shyamalan has another hobby in the works besides film making. At this point I think his named to be changed to I. Thinku Shouldnt (think of making another movie).

Fin

5 Year Plans

2010-06-28T08:12:00.000-05:00

I turned 34 June 24th, in one year I can run for President. This birthday has had me reflecting on my life in so many ways it was almost not a birthday but an awakening. There are so many things I have planned that have yet to come to fruition. Most are okay to let go because my life has now changed and there is no longer a need for them. Then there are some I just cannot let go.

When my son was born I had a plan for our lives. I wanted him to grow up on a block in East Cupcake where he was best friends with the neighbor's kid and when it was time for high school I would know words such as Junior Varsity, Varsity and homecoming.

Every year I would start a 5 year plan that will get me closer to the life I wanted for my son. Now he is 12, almost 13 and coming home with Specialized High School books that leave me terrified at the prospect of him going to an inner city school and never knowing the life I had laid out in my mind for him.

I went to an inner city school, and had an amazing academic career, but that was before these inner city schools became the wild wild west.

I am holding firm to my belief in myself, to the goals I have laid forth. Although, I am nearing year 5 of my last 5 year plan, I am confident things will be okay.

I have always been a last minute achiever.

Metropolitan Areas Get a Green Makeover

2010-06-23T15:43:00.003-05:00

Ladies and Gentlemen for your viewing pleasure - I introduce to you guest blogger Kathryn Brennar!

Building a green infrastructure is no longer a new idea. Going “green” is actually becoming quite popular. However, the ways that people go about doing it can be new and unique. City developers are beginning to incorporate some creative strategies of their own. Specifically, there has been a recent spike in the level of interest that communities have had in developing their parks and outdoor recreation areas. While incorporating and maintaining them has always been an important priority, especially within densely populated cities, the latest trends show that community developmental plans are now incorporating “green” design. They are realizing that there is an opportunity to provide people with a necessary recreation area while creating a positive impact on the global environmental crisis.

Currently there are a number of projects taking place in major metropolitan areas in an effort to reverse the negative effects that humans have had on the environment. One project that is currently gaining publicity is the green rooftop. Green rooftops utilize commonly unused space atop buildings and convert them into green zones, where gardens or turf are planted. These roofs help reduce the heating and cooling costs it takes to power a building, and also create a habitat for birds and insects. Additionally, green rooftops reduce the amount of contaminated runoff water that can collect in local sewer systems and waterways. Even major companies and organizations have taken notice and are beginning to implement similar environmental strategies. The Ford motor company installed a 450,000 square foot green rooftop on their new Dearborn Truck Plant. Recently studies have been preformed comparing green rooftops to conventional asphalt or concrete roofs and results show that temperatures on the green rooftops can be as much as 32 degrees lower than conventional black roofs. This proves that green rooftops could help reduce the “urban heat island effect,” which occurs when black top buildings absorb solar energy and radiate that energy in the form of heat.

Another sustainability initiative that is becoming increasingly popular in urban (as well as suburban) areas is the rain garden. Rain gardens are planted near areas of high storm water runoff. Instead of allowing the excess water to travel into the sewer, (which can cause backup and increased water contamination) water flows into strategically placed gardens, thereby reducing overflow problems. Currently in the District of Columbia, the department of Agriculture has been spearheading an initiative to increase the number of gardens that are sustained by the community, termed “people’s gardens.” Rain gardens are amongst the initiative along with community vegetable gardens where the produce is donated to local soup kitchens. They are also contemplating rooftop bee hives to aid in the pollination of the plants. In Portland, Oregon local policy makers are taking another approach and creating Green Streets. A number of city and suburban streets were identified as being excessively wide and creating too much run off water. In response to this problem, Portland officials created curbside gardens that allowed for the collection of street storm water. The gardens collect water at the surface and disperse it amongst the vegetation thus allowing for a gradual and natural water filtration process to occur.

While the public sector has started to take on green initiatives, private developers have also joined forces to implement change. Even though NYC is literally wall to wall with buildings, architects with a soft spot for the environment have been able to incorporate a green atmosphere in areas that many believe had no room left for design changes. On the West Side of Manhattan a new park built on the old High Line stands 30 feet above street level. Landscape architect firm, James Connor Field Operations, and Diller Scofidio + Renfro, worked with designer, Piet Oudolf, to create this elevated oasis. The architects were able to integrate vegetation into the existing structures left from the railroad to create a beautiful natural setting for locals and visitors.

On the lower end of Manhattan stands another structure, The Visionaire, which focuses on bringing New York to the forefront of green initiative. Designed by Pelli Clarke Pelli Architects, it stands as the greenest residential skyscraper in the US. The architects incorporated a highly insulated wall system with insulated glazing and low energy reflective coatings. They also overcame the lack of horizontal space that New York buildings are allotted by successfully creating a number of terraces using green rooftop techniques. The building boasts a wastewater recycling system where all tainted water is cleaned within the building using a membrane filtration system and is then reused in the buildings toilets, green rooftops and cooling towers. Lastly, the building uses solar panels, a natural gas powered turbine and byproduct heat recycling amongst other energy efficient, low impact building and utility strategies.

Cities across the nation are developing creative and effective solutions to our global sustainability problem. By creating and implementing a green infrastructure and building practices, urban and suburban communities can contribute to the overall “greening” of the planet.

Written by Kathryn Brennar

kbrennar@friedlandrealty.com

Kathryn Brennar is a communications coordinator for Friedland Realty - a commercial realty agency specializing in the lease and sale of Manhattan office space and Westchester office space. Friedland has held an exemplary standard of real estate knowledge and expertise for the past thirty plus years and continues to bring their customers the best in commercial real estate service.

Toy Story 3

2010-06-21T11:26:00.002-05:00

Is an awesome movie! I give it 2 thumbs up! A MUST-SEE!

Downtown Girls Premiere

2010-06-02T04:35:00.000-05:00

I sat and watched this stupid show out of boredom even after seeing their amateurish, (and not in a cute way), interview on PIX 11 news where they each tried to pitch their boring lives.

Downtown Girls is the wanna be Sex In The City of right now. It would so work, if not for the fact that the cast is lame, and when you remake something you are supposed to improve on it, not drag it into the ground and piss people off.

The premiere episode with Shallon trying to be quirky, and cute on her VLOG came off as corny and fake. You can not even give her pretentious for assuming people are actually watching her vlog because her apparent lack of confidence just has you assume she is trying a leg at sarcasm.

Opening shots of the city identical to SJP's. The up-close shot of Shallon (wannabe SJP)on the laptop, writing her editor to begin the episode with a question?

Are you serious?

Then there is the "X BF Garage Sale". Screw it let's call a spade a spade:

Sex In The City Season 3 Episode 32: Politically Erect

Please do me the favor and when you make a new show abide by these rules:

1. Be original. It is a NEW show. Not a "LET ME DIG THROUGH THE CRATES AND SEE WHAT I CAN PUT ON" Show.

2. If you are going to "re-vamp" something do not mimic a show word for word. Take AN idea and expand. Not EVERY SINGLE IDEA.

3. If you are going to blatantly plagiarize something, don't put a new label on it to try to make it new. Just do it. Last night's episode should have given credit to Michael Patrick King somewhere as well as just been labeled SITC. Cah mon! We are all grownups. Put on your big girl panties and take your lawsuit like a woman. Eventually when the movie is faded away to DVD heaven, the girls will be looking for a paycheck.

That episode you will see a close-up of Shallon writing:

Wow... I must have really effed up, huh?
(cue Sex In The City theme music ending)

BP Oil Spill - Things You Should Know

2010-06-01T08:07:00.000-05:00

As you read this, there are gallons of crude oil gushing into the ocean.

You live up North - WTF Do you care? Right?

Wrong.

This is not the worse oil spill in American history. This is the worse oil spill in the history of the world.

There are things you should know and don't want to know about this oil spill.

Check here anyway because you have to know.

Memorial Day 2010

2010-05-31T10:09:00.002-05:00

To every soldier who has ever given a day of service to protect my freedom...

And to all those that have given the ultimate sacrifice.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart, May God Bless you, today and always....

A dayum shame I tell you!

2010-05-28T07:29:00.001-05:00

The little boy whose parents should be shot.

"He throws a tantrum if we don't let him."

O, poor you!!!

Sex And The City 2 - REVIEW and SPOILER

2010-05-27T18:10:00.003-05:00

Sex And The City 2 a review w. Spoiler!!

Do not read if you are one of those people who hate people who tell movies, because I am giving it all away soup to nuts!

I mean it..

You are going to read about everything!!!

Do

Not

Say

I

Did

Not

Warn

You.....

Today I saw the matinee of the highly anticipated Sex In The City 2 movie.

It was a grave disappointment.

There are some things that are classic and should not be touched. But as always, this new generation of idiots takes all our old stuff and tries to make it theirs. The opening credit song was not the nostalgic little diddy we grew up on. It was a reworked nonsense that faded into the hair tearing Alicia Keyes screaming New Yoooooooooork!!

From that point on the entire movie was just so, and I mean soooo dated...

Flashback to how the girls met, with a quick 80's montage of the women. 4 bad hair styles, and madonna wanna be outfits later there are at Bergdorf Goodmans where surprise, surprise Standford and Anthony are getting married.

Insert stereotypical cliche about all gay men being so desperate they want anyone and anything.

Samantha has an office in times square and is following the Suzanne Sommers : Breakthrough life plan. (Watch that little plug land her on next week NY TIMES BESTSELLERS)

Miranda has created her own little family with Magda, Steve and Brady. Her job, which supports all of them is often in the way of her doing little class trips and mommy and me things with Brady. She gets fed up with the new partner raising his hand to shut her up and quits.

Charlotte has settled in being a jew and is raising her family with a bra-less nanny.

.....and Carrie has become one spoiled rich bitch.

The wedding is amazingly cute, with Lyzza Minnelli performing as officiant as well as pop performer. She does a rousing "If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it" with 2 Lyzza lookalikes.

She is a legend, I give her that much respect, but watching her perform is as painful as watching Dick Clark do New Year's Rockin Eve post stroke...

At the wedding, apparently BIG or as he is now called JOHN JAMES PRESTON and Mrs. Preston are seated next to the only republicans at the gay wedding. Who profess adoration for her as a writer but frown upon her and big for not wanting to have children. Insert awkward moment.
Samantha bangs anthony's incredibly gorgeous brother.
Charlottes daughter is a brat.
Braless nanny bounces with girls get husband's attention.

After 2 yrs carrie wants to go out every night while John wants the couch and a tv remote. She forces him to go and gets pissed when he's chatty with Penelope Cruz. She then ops for a 2 day break at her old apt. Which she still keeps.
Big gives her space.
When she gets back he asks if she would mind doing it regularly and she freaks out and is upset.

Smith Jared takes Samantha and the girls to his NY movie premiere and Samantha and miley cyrus wear the same dress. (Again dating the film, miley cyrus has not been really big for a NY minute now)

Samantha is offered an all expense paid trip to abu dhabi to discuss the prospects of representing a hotel franchise there.
The girls go. Charlotte has reservations because of the "judelaw".

Samantha and the girls enjoy themselves. Then they do karaoke with this song I am sure means something somewhere but not in this film - "I am woman". Supposedly everyone gets into it as if Jay-z hit the dance floor but I don't buy it.Insert - Samantha fuck #2 - Fine and I mean

FOINE!

-Danish businessman Rick-hard Spurt...(u know the joke.) Smitten with Samantha he makes a bid for her in front of the girls. She brushes him off until the next day because it is "girls night out"

Carrie commends her on being classy and for not ditching them. (Remember I said this)

Insert shopping trip and Aidan. Carrie carelessly leaves passport. Aidan asks her to go out for dinner. Awkward flirty moment. Marriages have rules and as Carrie's new book "I do? do I? Is being released.she's bashed in the New Yorker. She is so depressed she cant hang with the girls, but coincidentally she can get out of her depression enough to get gussied up to meet Aidan for dinner.

Girls catch her on her way out - Charlotte pulls her coat on the obvious - she is married and shouldn't be there with Aidan.Carrie is a nasty bitch that hurts Charlotte's feelings.

Miranda becomes this awesome person during the trip who teaches Charlotte over drinks that it is OKAY to complain about your kids because being a mom is hard.

Carrie does dinner, Aidan has 3 boys with "Cathy" he talks about. Now they keep throwing dates around and acknowledge that it has been "2" yrs since the last time they saw each other, but Aidan flashes baby flicks and it looks like his boys are between 5 and 7 years old. hmm... script screw up??? He mentions that Cathy kept a close eye on Carrie because "she is the one that got away". On the walk through the hotel grounds they kiss.
Carrie freaks out, Aidan apologizes. She runs to HER hotel and does a very narcissistic "I need everyone together to talk about what I did".

She wants to admit it to JOHN.
Samantha says NO.
Miranda says she doesnt think she should.

Even CHARLOTTE says I DONT THINK YOU SHOULD TELL.

Carrie calls BIG - to confess, and she does the unthinkable.

She did something so terrible that from that moment on, you know she is not Carrie, she is an alien from Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

SHE THRU HER GIRLS UNDER THE BUS....

She tells John how all the girls said "SHE SHOULDNT TELL, but SHE felt she SHOULD".

Real women, don't throw the women you are later going to ask to hang with under the bus. Real women know that after saying something like that to your husband, you forever arouse the suspicion, that these same friends are going to try and help you cheat.

John is upset, and 'has to go, he's at work".
She is left not knowing what to do.

Samantha is apprehended by hotel security for being indecent with the FOINE- and I mean FOINE Danish fellow. Usual Samantha, condoms in her purse etc etc...

They get back to the room next morning, and find their personal butlers are not there. The hotel manager Samantha was supposed to try and do business with has cut all ties with her after her incident. Now she must supply a credit card to cover the $22,000 a night room.

All of a sudden every woman there is broke. I know $22K is a lot of rupies but... When you walk around shopping in Bergdorf, wearing Chanel, and Berkin - (I could really go on but wont), have an office in Times Square (after plugging in "this kind of economy" for God knows how many times), can keep your NY apartment as well as another New York Apartment - but between the 4 of you cannot come up with enough cash not to run around like mad because you have to check out in 1 hour? cah mon....(insert eyeroll)

These are the loopholes in the story I can't even bother with.

Apparently Carrie's passport was babysat by the nice peddler she left it with a few days before. Samantha makes a spectacle in the street with a group of Muslim men, then the women find a secret society of young, stylish Muslim women who wear their black veils by day but in private wear Chanel and Prada in their impoverished country and read the SAME OUTDATED BOOK Samantha is reading to battle menopause.

Yea... I believe it...

Long story short, they all go back, Big forgives. Charlotte is not so high strung. Miranda finds another job, and Samantha finally screws Max Ryan... DEAR LORD THAT MAN IS FOINE!!!

All in all... for as much as I loved the first movie this one was a gross rip-off. I get that Carrie is putting PLEATS back into fashion in the blue, orange and green outfit she wears which look like the exact same outfits in 3 different colors. I do not get the writers who put together such a really boring story line.

I am a married woman too, and after feeling like I grew up with CARRIE and seeing her WIN the way I wanted her too, this spoiled rich bitch that is now wearing her likeness was an insult.

Is that what happens when you get married? You become this really bitchy, spoil me MORE AND MORE wench who throws her friends under the bus? Who also becomes this hypocritical bee-otch who commends her friend for not doing something she is REALLY TOO OLD to be doing?

They waited too long to put it out. It was very dated. I think as I stated previously here, this was a last attempt for the girls to have a little change to retire on. I think the first movie was enough, and I should have been respected enough as a loyal follower to allow my own mind to wander and dream about where they are now and what they are doing.

They are REALLY too old to continue this mess, and to be honest I feel like they should have known that they should have stopped a long time ago. It was Sex In The City when it started, it has now morphed to the Bi-Polar And The Nonsense.

Kate Gosseling aka The Shopping Cart

2010-05-26T07:35:00.000-05:00

...looked like a shopping cart with the brakes on getting wheeled around. She stumbled with the fan. ALL SHE HAD TO DO WAS HOLD THE FAN!

The fact that she said, "it doesn't matter because 90 % of my audience doesn't like me." Is a reason why she should NEVER EVER, EVER NEVER be picked up anywhere by anyone again.

Katie Irene, and I say this because we share a name... If you cannot give it your all, don't do it.

Sex In The City Premiere - The Obsession Continues

2010-05-25T09:15:00.000-05:00

My ticket to THE SHOW was apparently lost in the mail. But no matter how old their faces are - all four of them looked BEAUTIFUL! I think Kristin Davis and SJP are the best!

Real Housewives NYC - Desperate Heiffers Who Live In The City

2010-05-24T08:15:00.000-05:00

Sick, and on my deathbed this past week with flu I got a chance to catch up with the shows I always hear about, but because I have a life have never wasted time to catch up to, most notably: The Real Housewives of NYC.

I have no idea who is giving the phenomenol blowjob - SOMEONE - has to be getting to keep this show on, but I wish his wife hurry's up and finds out so it can be properly canceled. It is blatantly obvious that the characters on the show are not getting checks for the ratings.

There is Sonja, who is the "newbie". Um, the show is REAL HOUSEWIVES, why are only 3 women on the show married? She is SINGLE - hello? Do you not get the problem here?

Jill Zarin is the most grounded in my opinion. A drama queen, who "keeps score" of wrongs and rights, she is the most personable, the most realistic and the most relatable. She pulled a drama queen with her issue with Bethenny - but I will light a fire under that corny chick a ways down.

Alex and her husband seem to be the most pretentious. Maybe it is the editor who is making her seem so fake or maybe that is what she gives off. I am thinking the latter. Her husband is this eccentric weirdo who swares he could careless what people think, but he is always looking for some sort of approval from the "plastics" who are cast in this show. I think his patent leather outfit was a desperate attempt at PLEASE TALK ABOUT ME AND MY WIFE SO WE CAN GET SOME PUBLICITY - PLEASE!!!

Kelly is insane. Nuff said.

Luanne is my favorite. She is definitely the most classiest. Her only downfall is the gossipy wench that comes out seemingly every episode. She is so classy - yet she always becomes a wash-woman with Jill! I feel like whenever she is with Jill she needs a wardrobe change: soiled peasant blouse and a hairy mole on her face.

Then There is Ramona.

Ramona, Ramona, Ramona....

Her wide-eyed, I-just-had-an-epiphany, or I-am-on-some-serious drugs - look is comical. Her nose always looks red as if she was just blowing it or pinching it, which hmm... isn't that what most coke-heads do? Diarrhea tumbles out of her mouth on a regular basis.While I am not a fan of Bethenny - AT-ALL - even thought what Ramona said to her on the bridge was flat out wrong. She thinks she is 25 and does not understand that she looks her age of 52. She instigates a lot of problems, and my wildest fantasy is of classy Luanne standing up and punching her square in the mouth for the crap she said about her marriage.

Ramona, don't let me catch you on the street, I might be tempted to do it myself.

Last but not least, and I think maybe I should have named this, why I think Bethenny is a douche. Anyone who compares themselves to one of the Sex In The City goddesses without being nominated to the title is reaching. Bethenny is the "wanna-be Carrie" of the Desperate Housewives cast. Side note to Bethenny - Carrie had a MAN for most of the series, where in you - don't. Last season she came off as this desperate publicity whore, complaining at one moment that her "Skinnygirl" shout-outs have been taken off the bar, and crying the next that Perez Hilton is talking about her. Make up your mind sweetheart!

Every moment she had she came off as this desperate woman wanting to know how and why someone else had a man. Berating Luanne's poor housekeeper about how and why she has a boyfriend. Maybe if you LISTENED to the girl, you would have had one sooner.

Trying to come off as Snarky and cool, her "ball-busting" goes over the head of many because she just is not funny. When you have to "EXPLAIN" your demeanor to someone, it is a tell-tale sign that they don't get it, and maybe...just maybe... you should change it. Given her gruff, OH, I AM A ROCK demeanor, her waterworks display with Jill was so unbelievable. Play the victim when you feel the world is against you, that is a way to garner up support. Her surprise visit to her father was just a way to muster sympathy for her erratic crying spells. Sweety, you are a woman, we know you had a girl crush on Jill and was mad that things did not go your way. Next time put on your big girl panties, and stop putting on airs. Stop with all the personas... Be BETHENNY whoever she is. Now that you have a man and a child you are on even playing ground with the rest of the girls. Stop playing the WANNA BE - it is NOT becoming whatsoever.

Don't Paint Your Nails Anymore - Shellac Them!

2010-05-21T08:24:00.001-05:00

You know the routine.

Friday nail appointment.

Praying you can make it home without a nick or scratch in your freshly painted claws because you are going out tonight. You make it to the front door of your building completely safe. Exhale and relax in the thought that you will actually make it. Thinking you will make it unscathed until the 5-year old demon from upstairs, (whose parents have no control over), bumps you "on accident promise", of course, and creates that line in your nail you try and massage down with your tongue the rest of the night.

Well, suck on toxins no more!

The latest and greatest in nail fashion is here and boy do we love it! No more weekly appointments at the nail salon, or doing the spread finger walk from the salon and wishing everyone give each of your hands three feet of space.

CND,(Creative Nail Design) has come up with a new UV gel polish which gives you glossy thick coats of no chip, no fade color for up to fourteen days.

This is sure to get all you DIY manicurists to rethink your 99 cent polish strategy. Saving money and time Shellac is applied by a licensed manicurist. After applying a coat of shellac base coat you are put under the UV light to allow the cure. Then a coat of Shellac UV color coat is applied and allowed to cure under the UV light. Finally a coat of Shellac UV top coat is applied and cured.

Viola!

The strength of Gel nails with the versatility of a polish.

Just one itty bitty catch....

Like gel nails the color needs to be soaked off. Not by soaking your entire hand in a bowl of acetone, CND is not THAT barbaric. More like individual wraps for each finger, which soak your nail bed in acetone, and save your fingers the drama.

All in all Shellac is AWESOME
. CND has the right idea, and in an array of colors - the next generation of nail color has arrived!

Sex In The City 2

2010-05-20T07:06:00.001-05:00

Sex and The City II is so over due.

I feel like this is the last ditch effort for our four favorite girls to have a little change to retire on when they turn 65 in another year or two.

I want to be so excited for this movie to finally be coming out but, I can't. I don't know what it is - but it just seems the thought of seeing my favorite girls this last time saddens me.. No, not because this will really be THE END. It is because they are so damn old! It is like watching the Golden Girls now. I see the promos play on television and I can't help but take note of the crows feet and laugh lines. I look at them and have the same feeling that comes over me when I see someone from high school. I am so happy to see them, and greet them warmly.

But...

The minute they step away I turn and whisper out the side of my mouth, "Damn, she looks old!"

I know women get older, but at least before, older for them was being in their thirties, and as a woman in my thirties I can relate to that! But now, they are damn near pushing fifty and trying to capture my attention. Sarah Jessica Parker is severely airbrushed, she looks as she did in her twenties on posters and ads. However, in this day and age of HD, there is no amount of make-up in the world that makes the women look good on screen. I mean, I guess they are banking on the loyalty of fans to look past the cosmetic mishaps and relish in the plot of all our old characters. I feel like bringing in Aidan is such a cheap shot, but one of the few reasons I am really eager to see the movie.

I can't help but feel like I am about to go watch my aunt and her girlfriends talk about old times. It will bring a little nostalgia to me, but they are so old, I don't find them remotely relatable to my life. I don't want to be an age-ist, but, I guess we will see...

Happiness is...

2010-05-19T07:12:00.000-05:00

...the first gulp of air through both my nostrils...
...after blowing brain matter into my tissue...
...just before a wall of phlegm moves in...

...to cut both portals off and limit the oxygen to my brain.

Next Generation of Guests for the Maury Show

2010-05-18T12:01:00.000-05:00

All The Soon-To-Be-Troubled Teens

Public Service Announcement

2010-05-18T08:08:00.001-05:00

Learn to keep your cooties to yourself.

Being Sick is Not Fun.

AIDS WALK 2010

2010-05-17T08:33:00.000-05:00

My good friend Jane and I walked the 10 mile New York City AIDS Walk.Yesterday was a gorgeous day for a walk. Somewhere after the third checkpoint, when some eloquent soul voiced what we all felt outloud,-"I feel like I have a headache in both my legs!"- Jane and I realized the desperate need for Fashion Police citations during this wholesome event. First, the "no-no's". Heeled boots for 10 miles? then taking the time to do the roach stomping bachata dance? Child. I know this morning when you woke up and the sole of your feet look like a sheet of bubble wrap, you regretted your choice to try and look cute.

Better yet, how about any of the Mad Max Beyond Thunder Dome Series boots. YEA! It worked for Mel Gibson! Walking miles as a nomad - I am sure the girl who does your pedicure will LOVE the fermenting scent of Sardines as your feet slowly bake and swell to twice their size in these!

O wait! How about the cutie flat shoes! I mean, who wouldn't LOVE to feel barefoot for 10 miles! By the time you make it to the balloon arch finish line, your feet swell to Fred Flintstone size!

What if you can't decide on the sandals? I mean Old Navy sells them for $5 now! Maybe you can switch every few miles, to make a stylish fashion statement.

Shout out to the idiots we saw limping in on the home stretch in brand new sneakers, and no socks.

To all you kind-hearted dummies who came out for a great cause yesterday.

Thank you, for doing your part to eradicate a disease that should have never existed, and

I hope you all enjoyed a Motrin sandwich last night.

Hello Lover!

2010-05-14T06:56:00.002-05:00

Guess what? The world has finally gotten on board with my friends and I.

The "It" color for summer is PINK.

Yes, the color my friend Yesy and I have been rocking for some time now - is now the "IN" color for every copy cat celebrity in the world.

One recommendation - get a color pink that SUITS you. Solange looks like her lips are chapped.

Check it out.